Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Dark Age

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B- | 5 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Linda Blair She Ain't

School. Buffy and Willow are playing a game of "Anywhere But Here." Buffy describes getting a foot massage from Gavin Rossdale. Boy, they really were young back then. Willow describes being seated with John Cusack in a Florentine restaurant. Well, she gets points for aesthetics, at least. Buffy compliments her imagination as Xander joins them. Upon learning what they're playing, he contributes, "Amy Yip at the waterslide park." Ew ew ew. And also, ew. I think I could market a Xander/Amy Yip diet -- I know if I looked at a picture of them every day, I wouldn't be able to hold down solid food for the rest of my life. Yuck. Willow notes that he never changes his fantasy, but he says he's just not fickle like they are. I can't comment on that, as I haven't put enough distance between that vomitrocious mental image and myself. All right -- I'm going to try to soldier on through the chills and sweats. Seeing Giles approach, I start to relax, and Willow asks if they think Giles ever played the game. Xander opines that Giles lived for school. "He's actually still bitter that there were only twelve grades." Buffy: "He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'" Hee. Willow wonders if he didn't ever get restless, but Buffy, with finality, says that "his diapers were tweed." She calls him over, and asks if he's wearing tweed, which of course he is. That was cheap. Heh. He starts to tell her that "tonight is very important" as they head inside.

He goes on that a medical transport is delivering a monthly supply of blood to the hospital, that they should meet outside at 8:30, and that she shouldn't be late. Buffy: "Have I ever let you down?" Giles: "Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?" Maybe you should save the glaring for Irony, since he's about to bite you in the ass. Miss Calendar arrives with a "Morning, England." England's brain typically turns to treacle upon seeing her, and Willow says, "Feel the passion," which means that Foreshadowing is in a very cruel mood indeed. Miss Calendar warningly says Willow's name, then asks if they're on for tomorrow. Willow acknowledges that. Xander asks what's going on the next day, and Miss Calendar explains that Willow's helping her conduct a review session on computer basics for a couple of lagging students. Xander: "Those poor schlubs have to attend school on a Saturday." Miss Calendar: "Nine AM okay with you, Xander?" That was cheap too. Hee. Buffy: "You got a bit of schlub on your shoe there." Of course he does -- the shoe's attached to the rest of him, isn't it? Miss Calendar adds that Cordelia will be there, and Xander proclaims that if you throw in "rectal surgery," it's his dream day. Insert "butt monkey" joke here. Giles and Miss Calendar walk off together. Willow: "Can't you just imagine them getting together?" The kids smile, but their faces quickly reset to "ew." Hee. Pretty realistic reaction for sixteen-year-olds, although I wish Buffy had shut up about it by the time she got to college.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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