Previously, previously, previously. Screw that. Let's talk about what's gone on The Sep Show since we last met. Brit Boy and I got married. And I hope y'all won't think of that as a shameless stunt to prop up any poor recap ratings. You'll also be glad to know that we won't be adding any precocious tots that will grow up to spout annoying catchphrases. At least, not if this conversation we had on the way back from City Hall is any indication. The scene: we're on MUNI. A father gets on with a baby in a stroller covered in some plastic contraption to protect it from the drizzle.
Sep: Lookit that one. They must have just gotten it; it's still wrapped in plastic.
Brit Boy: Ah yes. From Baby King most likely. An offshoot of Burger King.
Sep: So that's an eatin' baby then?
Brit Boy: Absolutely. How do you prep them again? Drop them in a pot of boiling water?
Sep: No, I think these days it's considered more human to sever their spinal cords with a sharp skewer first. Anyway, how do you like your baby cooked?
Brit Boy: I'm partial to braising. The meat stays tender that way.
Sep: I think I prefer them roasted whole. I just love the way they look with a little crabapple stuffed in their mouths. And the skin is so crunchy and delicious!
Jonathan Swift would have been proud.
Hang on! Is that Riley's voice I hear? Yup, it is. He's telling us that Hostile 17 "can't harm any living creature without intense neurological pain." And I can't see Riley onscreen without intense neurological pain.
Giles strides into the living room, wondering if the gang will be all right while he's gone. Giles leaving in the first minute of the episode? Talk about pain. He's taking the Junior Misses out to the desert to have a vision quest or be eaten by jackals or something. Well, hey, if their vision quest is anything like Buffy's, the season will end with each and every one of them dead and buried in an isolated grave far away from civilization. A girl can dream, right? Willow rushes downstairs to exposition that Kennedy still has the flu and therefore won't be going on the vision quest. As we know, Kennedy is on a quest of her own. Boo-tay! Xander rushes in to warn Giles that Rona and Molly are fighting over who gets to drive first. Buffy asides to Giles that he should have renewed his California license. Hold up. Molly and Rona are squabbling over who gets to drive? The same Molly who wouldn't be eligible for a license from her home country for another three years? The same Rona who just said in a demon bar that she was only fifteen? I could be wrong about that. I honestly can't remember most of this season. Given episode names, I can describe the plot of exactly five episodes. (And most of those only grudgingly.) Pretty pathetic, considering that I devote hours upon hours to writing about this show in great detail. Ah well. At least this whole thing ended with Molly stuffed in trunk. Giles sighs, already pining for his bunny-fearing honey. Ganya or death! It's the only thing getting me through this season.
Buffy descends the stairs to the basement, where Spike is chillin' on his cot. I'm pleased to report that his shirt is on. Spike welcomes the respite from "clomping teenage girly feet." And those aren't really the worst noise-making bits, are they? It's all the mindless crap that comes out of their mouths that drives me to distraction. Buffy is jazzed to get her own bathroom back. Buffy notices that Spike has chained himself to the bed. He explains that he doesn't want to chance The First being able to manipulate him again. Only he says it in a much more drawn-out and melodramatic fashion. Then, in the middle of their conversation, Spike is hit by the B plot of this episode -- intense neurological pain. I wonder where this is going.