Which, naturally, segues into a gory demon guy (whose eyes, teeth, and, er skull, glow as if he'd recently swallowed one of those glow sticks all the kids are taking to concerts instead of lighters these days), toiling over a caldron. What, you expected something else? The demon, is, naturally, in the midst of a curse which will give him the ability to bring about "the death of the Slayer." Yawn. So what else is new?
I miss that shot of Giles in the tuxedo that used to be in the credits. And that shot from the first episode, when Sarah Michelle Gellar used to have those cute little chipmunk cheeks. Remember that? Ah, I was so young then. So young. So dumb.
Fade up on a very nice example of Los Angeles apartment architecture: say, mid 1930s, slightly deco, slightly modern, white and shiny on a green grassy hill. As an LA native, I'd price it between expensive and really, really expensive. Inside, Anya, Xander, Buffy, Riley, and Willow stride down the hallway. As Sep said to me earlier, Riley looks like Captain Eo in his red leather jacket. The gang discusses how groovy it would be if Xander could afford this apartment and thus get the hell out of the basement, but the man himself is less optimistic, warning them not to get their hopes "all carbonated," seeing as he really has no references -- only "Albert," which is him, doing "an important voice."
The apartment is furnished! Sadly, the furniture is ugly, but anything's better than Xander's current decor, which screams "scavenged from the curbside." Much oohing and ahhhing over the niceness of the apartment ensues, Buffy commenting on how nice and "not subterranean" it is. Anya stands in the middle of the living room and states in her usual deadpan (like, we get that you're not used to being human and having human emotions and all that, dude. Does it mean that you have to flatline every word that comes out of your mouth?) that she wants the apartment. Period.
The woman showing the apartment originally mistakes Riley for Xander and seems disappointed when Xander corrects her. She's even more disappointed when Anya starts loudly planning Scooby gang meetings, Willow makes some overly enthused commentary about the presence of a microwave, and Buffy and Riley start making out in the bedroom. Classy, kids. Xander, of course, is flabbergasted when the landlady (or is she a broker? Or a real estate woman? Whatever. In my little world, she's a landlady) explains that he needs to fill out an application, so they can run a credit check. Anya barks that they'll take the apartment and commands Xander to "get the furniture." She explains to the landlady that they've been living in Xander's "drunken parents' basement, where something urinated on the hot plate." Xander shuffles Anya away from befuddled landlady's gaze, as Riley, Willow, and Buffy smile beatifically in an attempt to seem, you know, like normal, responsible friends of a normal, responsible, quiet tenant, instead of people who will, in all likelihood, end up conjuring a series of messy and otherworldly entities who may or may not trash the place. Riley, to fill the awkward silence, comments that they like the ceiling fan in the kitchen. Willow agrees, telling the landlady that the ceiling fan is lovely, in a very Old South kind of way. "Without the unpleasant slavery connotations," Buffy says. The landlady blanches.