Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Weight Of The World

Episode Report Card
Ace: C | 4 USERS: B+
The Weight Of The World

Back at the Wacky Factory, Ben manifests again and asks Dawn if she's all right, then starts his own navel-gazing, revealing that he can still feel the blood of the hundreds of men that Glory slaughtered. Of course, he says this in a tone that one would use when discussing the merits of rival brands of dishwashing liquids, so it kind of loses something. Well, everything. Dawn tries to explain, "Something is happening to both you and Glory." Oh, thanks for solving that riddle, Captain Clarity. Not. Dawn is agitated and tries to get Ben to help her to get the hell out of there. Knockety-knock. Ben jerks the door open to reveal the Minion Priest. Ben pulls him in and roughs him up a bit before telling Dawn, "I'll take you as far as I can and ditch you before she comes back." Please! How is that going to work? As we've seen, Ben has approximately four seconds of warning before Glory repos his mortal coil, and since Ben is not endowed with the Flash-y non-special running effect, at most he could only put a few yards between himself and Dawn. Just more proof that Ben is not the brightest bulb in the pack. I'm beginning to think that the only reason he was chosen to house Princess Priss was because he had loads of space for rent upstairs and wouldn't likely notice a squatter.

"Okay, now this is weird" says Willow as we're back in the house with Slayer Baby. I see where this is going -- Joss misread his contract. He thought he only had to produce twenty-one episodes of Buffy this season, but then someone pointed out that he was off a week, so now we get the televised equivalent of circling the control tower for an entire episode. If you listen closely, you can hear him whispering fiercely, "Walk sloooower, people! Talk sloooower! We only have fifteen minutes of original footage this week!" Basically, a lot of the same stuff happens again, and then Willow glances over to see Beige Buffy shelving the book again.

Cut to Doc's. He's sitting at his desk having a nice cup of cocoa by a roaring fire. Knockety-knock. "It's always open," he calls out. And because this is Sunnydale with all the demons and beasties and various other nasties that go bump in the night, his nonchalance creeps me right out. Spike and Xander enter like the butt-monkey buddies they are, and Doc offers them a cup of cocoa. Spike starts to tell Doc that they need some info when Xander blurts out, "Ben's Glory!" Thank you, Buttmonkey Savant. "Wonderful," deadpans Spike, "but not why we're here." Spike fills Doc in on a little hell god named Glory who's absconded with the Slayer's li'l sis, and wonders if Doc has any info. "You don't mean Glorificus?" Doc asks in an incredulous tone, and warns them not to mess with her, as he "hear[s] she's awfully unpleasant." You don't know the half of it, buddy. You try sitting through each of her scenes four, five, and six times. Shudder. I realize that, as a hell god, Glory very likely revels in the torture and discomfort she causes others, and I can only conclude that Joss was trying the sensory home equivalent of Smell-o-vision, and since there was no way to make us feel as though our lives are actually threatened and since none of the audience actually cares about the characters anymore, he was left with making Glory as grating and unpleasant to watch as possible. It worked. Now stop. Please.

Anyway. Doc walks over to the side table and messes with a few stray items, putting this and that away as he says that, as much as he'd like to help, Glory is way out of his league. "She's got Dawn," says Spike, as if that's supposed to mean anything to old Doc here who only met the kid once. Doc, still standing in front of the table, rambles that he may know a guy who knows a guy in China who could maybe help them out. Spike's attention is drawn to a carved chest on the table half-hidden by Doc. "You're lying," says Spike flatly. "And what's more, I believe you're standing right in front of the very thing we need." Doc gives a tight little half-smile and then leaps across the room to pick up a handy stray sword. "Idiot," he hisses at Spike, sword held at the ready. Spike bats the sword aside, momentum knocking him over while Doc yells, "Go, go gadget tongue!" and pins Xander to the wall. Doc helpfully takes the time to reveal that he is a follower of the beast before rushing to toss the carved box in the fireplace, and then he goes back to threaten Spike some more, thus giving Xander recovery time enough to shove a knee in Doc's face. They both go down and wrassle on the floor while Spike rescues the box from the flames. Xander reaches for the sword and plunges it deep into Doc's chest with enough force to send a bunch of purpley-blue goo skyward. Ew. Xander wipes goo off his face, and then the Buttmonkey twins exit stage left. The camera focuses on Doc's inert form just long enough for us to see his eyes open wide. Cree. Pee.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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