Buffy the Vampire Slayer
The Zeppo

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: C | 31 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
A Midsummer Night's Nightmare

Simply Irresistible. I love SMG, but please.

School courtyard. Two guys throw a football around. Xander dorkily tries to get them to throw it to him. He's so dorky that everyone in the courtyard, including Cordelia, notices. One of them finally relents, just to shut him up, I'd guess. Xander runs to catch the high pass, but bobbles it, knocking a sandwich out of the hands of a dude that's sitting down. The dude's played by Channon Roe, of Kindred: The Embraced "fame." He also played the pick-up-driving gay-basher in Boogie Nights. I used to think he was really hot. What happened? Xander nervously apologizes. Channon, whose name is fittingly Jack O'Toole, asks him if he's retarded. Xander: "No! I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow on some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything." I think he should take it again. O'Toole, who henceforth will simply be called Tool, tells Xander he ought to cut his face open. Xander says it was just an accident. Tool: "You wanna be startin' somethin'?" Oh, cram it, Shoulder McChip. There are better actors to emulate than Dennis Hopper. Xander dorks it up some more by actually singing some of "Wanna Be Startin' Something." I consider getting a drink, even though it's only 2:30 in the afternoon. Tool says that when he gets his buddies together, they'll kick Xander ass. You need help to beat up Xander, tough guy? That's not doing much for your street cred. Xander walks away, shaken.

Cordy, who has observed the entire scene, waits for Xander. "Boy, of all the humiliations you've had that I've witnessed, that was the latest." She goes on that Tool is a psycho, but that that's cooler than being a wuss. Instead of telling her to shove it, Xander complains that he's faced many terrifying things, but he's still afraid of Tool. Cordy: "Because unlike all those other creatures that you've come face-to-face with, O'Toole actually noticed you were there." That sounds like an oxymoron to me. Cordy goes on that it must be hard for Xander when all of his friends have some sort of powers and he has nothing. She smirks that he's "the boy who had no cool." You know, I liked Cordy in just about every mood she had on the show, but this super-smug one was a big exception. He tries to tell her that he's an integral part of the group. Cordy: "Xander, you're the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo. 'Cool' -- look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't." Turning away, she smugs to herself, "There was no part of that that wasn't fun."

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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