Down in the kitchen, Anya and Xander are sharing a tub of ice cream while accompanied by a sex-moan-and-bedspring concerto. They bitch about the fact that everyone but them is getting laid. Anya sums it up with, "If we're done having sex, then I think other people should just knock it off."
Musical montage. Gracious Guitar of Groping with Vaginal Vocalizing. Spike holds Buffy. Posters have griped about Faith keeping her bra on. It doesn't seem very Faith-like, but maybe Wood asked her to. What? If I gotta recap this stuff, I'm taking y'all down with me. Faith does things to Wood that I don't want to know about. Kennedy does things to Willow that I don't want to see. Xander and Anya go at it on the kitchen floor. Y'know, normally I like musical montages because they're the equivalent of having eighty-four bars of rests in an orchestra. Easy to recap, no pesky dialogue. But could they please just KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE HUMPING ALREADY? I can't help but think about where all the Junior Misses are. Faith and Wood are knocking boots in Joyce's old room. Willow and Kennedy are making the beast with two backs in Buffy's old room. Xander and Anya are right in the middle of the kitchen floor, getting sweaty in front of God and everyone. That leaves Dawn's room, which is right next door to Willow and Kennedy; the basement, which is right below Xanya; and the living room, which is right nearby. I've never felt so sorry for those girls in my life.
"I envy them," says First Buffy to Father Malarkey. "They're barely more than animals," he protests. "But you, you're everywhere...in the hearts of little children, in the souls of the rich." He's right about kids. Little fuckers are EVIL. "They're just sinners. You ARE sin. And you're in me. Give me strength no man can have." First Buffy replies, "You're the only man strong enough to be my vessel." Whatever that means. We're never going to get any answers about Malarkey, are we? "I know why they grab at each other," continues First Buffy. Wait. The juxtaposition of this scene makes me think that The First is aware of all the goings-on in Casa Summers. So is the bloody little witch omniscient or not? Anyway, First Buffy wants to feel things the way humans do. "I want to put my hands around an innocent neck and feel it crack." Huh. If what The Mayor said earlier is true about still being Richard Wilkins III, what does this say about Buffy, whose form The First takes more than any other? Oops. Sorry. I know, I know. I was supposed to check my brain at the door.