Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C- | Grade It Now!

Faith and the girls fight Bringers. Dark. Fight. Fight. Dark. Shooting fight scenes in the dark sure saves on having to make them seem remotely realistic.

"You whore!" screams Caleb. Buffy stops in her tracks. She calls him a "woman-hating jerk." Ooh. Face. Not. The closed-captioning said "prick." Guess UPN's non-existent Standards and Practices department didn't care for that word. In his rage, Caleb pushes aside a wine barrel that was blocking Buffy's view of a trapdoor. Buffy slithers down into the trapdoor, which closes after her, a wine barrel coming to rest right on top of it.

In the sewers, the girls have subdued the Bringers. Kennedy calls Faith's attention to a stairway. Faith leads the girls downstairs. She finds a locked strongbox.

Buffy approaches the lumps of rock where the Bringers were working earlier. In one rock, some sort of weapon is embedded.

Ace: What the fuck was that?
Sep: Was it a chainsaw? Looked like a chainsaw. Oh my God! Is Buffy's hand going to go evil, and she'll have to chop it off, and then wear that thing in its place?
Ace: That would rock! I totally thought it was an axe. You know, a wicked guitar, and Buffy was gonna pick it up and be all, "I'm Buffy Anne Summers, Esquire. And he's William 'Spike' The Bloody. And together we're WYLD STALLYNS!" And then she'll defeat Caleb with some tasty licks.
Sep: Dude, Spike wasn't there.
Ace: Yeah, shoot. Maybe that thing was her stapler?
Sep: Could be. And it was red, like Milton's.

Okay, so on closer inspection, the weapon stuck in a blot of tar looks to be a fancy axe with a stake in the handle. So were the Bringers forging it or unearthing it? And if Malarkey and The First know that only "she" can wield it, why unearth it? So many fruitless questions. No fruit for Ace. A chorus of angels on high sing in the background, letting us know that Buffy Was Right And We Were A Bunch Of Asshole Chumps To Ever Doubt Her. She smirks freakily. Ah, the unbearable rightness of being Buffy.

Meanwhile, Faith busts open the lock on the box to reveal that it's stuffed full of dynamite. The counter reads 08. "Everybody down!" yells Faith. How much do I hate this? How much do I hate that Faith fell into the trap that Caleb set for Buffy? How much do I loathe that the script has proven Buffy right and tacitly validated her piss-poor leadership skills? I cannot stand that now the Scoobs are shown to have been WRONG to so much as question Buffy when she told them that they needed to "fall in line." Now they must all hang their heads in shame for failing to lick the golden boots of Buffy Summers. Fuck that shit, yo. I'll call a spade a spade. Buffy is a straight-up bitch who, if she ever wants to be worthy of the lives that are entrusted to her, needs to learn how to fucking play well with others and lose the attitude. Otherwise she's just Dawson with better hair.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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