Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: B- | 934 USERS: B-
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Scenes from a passport office

Der Zauber Kasten. Willow sits on a pile of pillows and sulks. Tara looks around her with that drippy, blinky, bovine expression that makes me think the character is entirely too "nice" in a way that makes me hate her. A hand slips into Tara's and she turns, smiling, thinking it's Willow. But -- oh no! It's Glory! The music jangles! We're shocked! We gasp! Tara blinks.

At the magic shop, Willow glums up to the counter as Giles opens a box of "petrified hamsters." Strange, but -- snicker. Giles tells Willow that her "good mood is both obvious and contagious." Oh Giles, marry me. You're the only snarky person left on this show. Willow mopes that she had a fight with Tara, and Giles tries to assure her that she and Tara will make up and everything will seem much better. In the middle of his reassurances, Giles seems to hear a noise, and opens the back door; without looking, he uses it to knock down the minion lurking outside. Giles drags the stunned minion, Split-Off-From-Dreg's-Evolutionary-Branch-Six-Million-Years-Ago, into the store and throws it into a chair. Oooh, Giles becomes very cold and proper. He wipes his hand on a handkerchief as he menaces, "What a marvelous opportunity for you and me to talk." SOFDEBSMYA claims he will never talk, so Giles instructs Anya and Willow to fetch some twine off the counter. As they do so, off-screen we hear the chair scrape and the minion gasping loudly. "Don't! I'll tell you anything. Please," cowards SOFDEBSMYA. First time I watched this scene, I figured the minion must have a huge aversion to twine, which I can kinda understand because it does have a rather scratchy and dry texture, but further viewings have persuaded me that Giles actually did some mysterious Ripperish thing to SOFDEBSMYA in those few seconds. The minion admits that Glory is fetching the Key, but refers to it as "the witch." Willow runs to check for Tara at the fair as SOFDEBSMYA explains that the decision was based on Tara being the "new one" of the Scooby Gang.

At the Fair, not havin' such a good day is Tara. Glory blathers a bit and then squeezes Tara's hand so hard that you can hear the crunching noises. Ow. She warns Tara not to make a peep or she'll start killing indiscriminately. From Tara's POV we can see a couple of guys tossing around what I first thought was a Ghora egg but turned out to just be an albino football. Glory blathers some more, and I don't know which is worse for Tara -- having to listen to Borificus or the fact that Glory smushed her hand again, hard enough for huge rivulets of blood to trickle out between Tara's fingers. Glory claims that people are "worthless." "But Keys on the other hand are worth a very lot." Yeah. Grammar shrieks and hides in the corner. Glory takes a big lick of what she supposes is Key juice but in reality is…well, in reality it's fake blood, but it's supposed to be Tara's real blood. Glory makes a face and spits, because I guess you can tell a Key by how sweet the meat or something. Glory is offended that Tara "betrayed" her, but then offers to let Tara go if she tells Glory who the real Key is. If she doesn't? Well, then it's a one-way ticket to Sucksville. Tara looks honestly terrified at the prospect and sobs quite convincingly. Despite this torture, Tara doesn't break like a toothpick (as I would have), but gives Glory her resolute face. "Fine," purrs Glory, "Let's get crazy." She runs her fingers down Tara's face.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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