Hugs and kisses to my sister, Sep, and JWG, who all conspired to make my week in the Bay Area fun, fun, fun.
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to recap this episode off a tape with no sound. Please excuse any inaccuracies with the dialog as I'm working solely off the closed captioning.
Previously on Buffy: a monk croaked, but not before telling Buffy that Dawn was the key; Buffy's mom came through her tiny pore surgery okay; Spike tipped Buffy off that Riley was paying vampires to suck his…arm; Buffy and Riley had words; Riley left Sunnydale.
Xander's happening new pad. He and Anya lie in bed, naked, and for some reason, instead of any of the fun things a guy could do with a naked and willing girlfriend, Xander wants to talk about how much he misses the Big Spud. Xander hasn't quite gotten used to Riley's absence (I have. And how!) and refers to the Spudster's current location as the "central republic of where-in-the-hell." I don't know why I quoted that -- it's not actually very funny. Let's just say that not being able to actually hear this episode has thrown me off my game. Anya tells Xander she wants a warning if he ever leaves, and reveals that she's been watching a few too many Mission Impossible-type moves by demanding that Xander's warning come in the form of a "big bomb clock." They smile at each other and cuddle. "Maybe it's her," muses Anya, hoping that she and Xander won't break up because what happened between Buffy and Riley can all be blamed on Buffy. Anya makes the obligatory reference to her former life as a vengeance demon, but Xander defends Buffy, saying that break-ups haven't been all her fault. He wonders how she's dealing with this one. Well, Xander, since you were all Mr. McNoseypants into Buffy's relationship last episode, maybe this episode you could muster up enough energy to, I don't know, call her on the phone and ask how she's doing?
Convent. Nuns in wimples walk hither and yon. We see only the back of one nun, who has a large, over-processed blonde curl sticking out of her wimple. Hoo haw! We're supposed to think that Buffy is dealing with her break-up by joining a nunnery. And maybe if we were among the few lost tribes of the Amazon, who recently only got electricity and haven't quite saved up the cash to purchase a TV for the village, we'd fall for it. A vampire slams into the nun and spins her around, and of course, she isn't Buffy. The Slayer in question is quick upon the scene, however, and sporting a flashy pink satin blouse. Pink satin, for when nothing but the very loudest will do for killing vampires! I had a shirt like that -- in 1997. Someone tell the Fashion Nazi that four years isn't old enough to be considered retro. Buffy and the vampires fight in one of this season's characteristic fight scenes: graceless and choppy, with too many close-ups and quick cuts. Of course Buffy dusts the vamp in the end, and approaches the nun who is cowering on the ground. Buffy helps her up and starts to grill her about nunliness and "abjuring the company of men." Hoo. Haw. Buffy's blouse is pulling and gapping across her chest. Maybe if the WB coughs up more money to pay Fox Studios for Buffy, some of it will trickle down, and SMG will be able to wear shirts that fit.
Credits. I get out my Buffy CD so I don't have to miss the kicking theme. This soundless recapping ain't easy. Except for the fact that I won't have to be subjected to Mr. Wanker's banal soundtrack noodlings. Hmmm, maybe things are looking up.