Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Two To Go (1)

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Two Too Many

Spike's crypt. Clem is in the middle of a snack-chip taste test while Dawn stares restlessly out the window. In short order she emotionally manipulates Clem into helping her with a mysterious task that is not yet revealed. "Spike would have," pouts Dawn. "Spike's gone," points out Clem. Oh, how I wish that were the case.

Cut to Spike. He's hanging with Deep-Throaty Demon. I wish they could have gotten Skip to play the part of Deep-Throaty. That would have made things slightly bearable. Spike is ready to begin his first test, which apparently requires him to be shirtless for no good reason that I can see. And yes, I can see his pecs, and no, I still don't think that's a good enough reason. Spike paces in the cave and banters with Deep-Throaty until a big hunk of man-meat steps out of the shadows. It's a standard "two enter, one leaves" to-the-death type of deal. Hunky McManmeat bangs his fists together to produce flames and then drops Spike to the floor with a punch. Y'know, I realized the other day that I owe y'all an apology. This whole Spike with Buffy thing? My fault. When Angel was on the show, I hated every second of him and his dazed "you can tell I have a soul because I look like I just walked into a tree" method of acting. (Angelus was a different story. A cooler story that didn't spend so much time whining and moping.) Then, when he left, it was like light pouring in through the heavens. I was excited. Happy. I had a new lease on life. I thought, "No matter what, Buffy's next boyfriend won't be so bad." Enter Riley. Riley with his potato nose, thinly-veiled chauvinism, and women issues. And so it was, until it came to pass that Riley endeth. And lo! Happiness reigned far and wide across the land (defined as my apartment), there was much rejoicing, and it was good. Again, I foolishly allowed myself to be confident that this had been the worst. Surely Buffy's next boyfriend…

Clem. Dawn. Walking around, looking for Rack's. Clem is uncomfortable. Dawn wants to find Willow. Blather blather. Blither blither. I think this scene's mostly filler.

Der Zauber Kasten. Anya and Xander lead the nerds inside while they wait for Buffy. A quick bit of dialogue lets us know that Anya can no longer sense Willow because "whatever she's feeling has gone way beyond simple vengeance." Buffy rushes in and warns the others that they've got to grab what they need and then get gone, because Willow is smart enough to check the usual haunts. Andrew offers to summon a demon to deal with Cruella D'Will, but Xander counteroffers to smack him hard enough to make his eyeballs switch sockets. Buffy and Xander finger the empty black magic books on the table as Buffy decides that they need to fight magic with magic. Unfortunately, as Xander points out, Willow has taken everything. "Not everything," pipes up Anya from behind the register. She pulls out a small chest with a white handprint on it from behind the counter. Ah, the old Talk To The Hand book of protection spells. But uh-oh -- it's in Sumerian. Jonathan offers to help translate, but Buffy essentially tells him to sit down and shut up, because he's only meaningful to her in terms of what it would do to Willow if she were to kill him. I don't get her wasting a resource like that, but, y'know, one hour and thirty-three minutes left to fill. Xander pulls Buffy aside to ask her what the hell she plans to do if they find Willow. Buffy wants to talk it out, reasoning that Jonathan and Andrew "are the line she cannot cross." Y'all get that? Willow making a Warren-skin rug is OKAY, as long as she doesn't harm a single hair on Jonathan's miniature little head.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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