Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Two To Go (1)

Episode Report Card
Sep: C- | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Two Too Many

Ooh! But it's not working. Guess somebody got that protection spell. Cruella D'Will says, "You guys wanna take it slow? I can do that too." See? There's a little bit of the old Willow left. She's a caring evil person who is genuinely worried about taking things too quickly for her victims. She tries to zap them again, but it's not working, as Anya is busy chanting a protection spell. Pay no attention to the vengeance demon behind the curtain! Andrew and Jonathan grab swords to try to defend themselves.

Cut to Spike getting thrown against a wall. He's still grappling with Hunky McManmeat. Is Spike even on this show anymore? I had forgotten. Spike has a number of prominent burns. Y'know, if he wanted to get his tattoos removed, he should have gone to a laser professional. Yeah, I know that Spike really doesn't have tattoos, but I'm just amusing myself of thinking what they would be. Probably a big, red heart pierced by a rose with "Buffy" written underneath an X-ed out "Dru," melodramatic little sop that he is. Spike is all, "I passed, right?" Yes, but only the first stage.

Der Zauber Kasten. Cruella D'Will is still trying to have a nerd-B-Q. She muses about the power contained in their counter-spell. "So which one of you boys worked the mojo? Doesn't matter really. I'm just curious." That, and there's a whole 'nother hour left to fill. Willow casts a spell on herself so that she's strong enough to physically kick their asses. To prove it, she casually flips the table over. Oh, she'll have no problem with Jonathan, then. He's only three apples high. She takes a step forward, but then there's Buffy, standing in the way. "I don't want to hurt you," says Buffy. Willow knocks her into a magazine rack. Huh. I wonder what kind of magazines they sell at the shop? Magick Monthly? New Wicca? Good Spellkeeping? Better Altars & Shrines? Oh. That's not the point, is it? Buffy gets up and smacks Willow into a glass display case. "I said I didn't want to. Didn't say I wouldn't." I'm getting awfully sick of the trend this season of lifting dialogue whole cloth from previous seasons. The writers may want to reconsider that practice. Taking one-liners from Seasons One through Three and dropping them into these episodes, which are devoid of pacing, a decent score, innovative fight scenes, and snappy writing, just showcases the fact that this show is suckier than a big bag of leeches these days. Xander corrals the nerds and Dawn, explaining that Buffy will take care of Willow and they should put some distance between them. He stops to collect Anya, but she explains that she needs to stay there to keep the spell going. Xander tries to argue. "Go! Do something right!" she orders, then starts chanting again. Willow gets up to stop her prey from escaping, but Buffy wipes the floor with her. She rises, and the girls face off. The camera zoooooms in on Willow's face and then Buffy's. You can tell that Buffy is good and Willow is evil because Willow's lipstick is all caked and gross, while Buffy's is dewy and fresh. Plus Willow is a brunette, which is TV shorthand for Eeeevil. Buffy is all, "Are we really going to do this?" Willow is all, "Oh, Buffy. You really need to have every square inch of your ass kicked." Sep is all, "What? All five of them?" They fight. Punch kick punch flip. Buffy gets slammed into some bookcases.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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