Buffy the Vampire Slayer
What's My Line?, Part I

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 4 USERS: B
Eat Your Heart Out, Tonya Harding

In a nice cut, we see a hand turning over tarot cards. The hand belongs to Drusilla, who's seated at a long table. Across from her, Dalton (the bespectacled vamp) is attempting to read the book that Spike had stolen from Giles in "Lie To Me." He utters some words in Latin, which Spike, with the help of a dictionary, translates as "Debase the beef canoe." I guess the writers like Mad Libs. I just wish they hadn't started using them for the recent shooting scripts. Spike, apparently less of a fan, punches Dalton. "Why does that strike me as not right?" Hee. Dru asks Spike to dance, but he snaps at her, causing me to bat my eyes lovingly at the screen. She does that annoying mewling thing, and Spike apologizes, saying that he's frustrated at their inability to translate the manuscript, since it holds the key to her cure. If the book reads as gibberish, how did Spike know that it would be "very useful," as he said in "Lie To Me"? Dru puts her hand to her head and loons that she needs to change Miss Edith, but keels over in pain, apparently not immune to the effects of her own accent. Spike says he can't bear to see her like this, and that they're running out of time. So can a vamp just keel over and die? I mean, it seems like Darla and Dru endured about as vicious an attack possible in "Redefinition," and they both recovered without the aid of a ritual, as far as we know. Their sires certainly weren't available for one. Anyway. Spike Dawns that the Slayer keeps tripping them up, which seems a bit overwrought, since he's only been in two episodes before this one. Dru assures him that he'll prevail, and they kiss as music-box music plays, which I'm amused to note is Dru's theme music. Spike then goes over and menaces Dalton for a bit until Dru, back at the tarot cards, says they need the key, which makes me shiver involuntarily. And then condition my hair. Spike asks if the book is in code, and Dru confirms that. Spike sees that one of the upturned cards has a mausoleum on it. If you'd like one of these decks for yourself, you can order one from www.plotcontrivances.com. Upon learning that the key is in the mausoleum (and if only that were true about the other key) he says he'll dispatch some henchvamps to retrieve it. Dru playfully repeats her request for him to dance with her. He picks her up, swings her around, and says they'll dance on the Slayer's grave. Won't that be romantic. And by the way, long-assed teaser. Credits.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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