Buffy the Vampire Slayer
What's My Line?, Part I

Episode Report Card
Couch Baron: B | 4 USERS: B
Eat Your Heart Out, Tonya Harding

Cut to a shot of a large ornate gold cross. Dru crazies that she can hear it humming. I hope the tune isn't "Early One Morning." Spike tells her that when she's well, they'll have a coronation. To crown her Queen Of The Bad Accents? Because Kendra hasn't shown up yet, so let's not be hasty. Dalton asks about the Slayer, saying she almost foiled their plans, prompting Spike to strap his bitch on and say that he needs to do something about Buffy. Then he has a thought, and says he needs to bring in an organization known as The Order Of Taraka. Dalton wusses that that's overkill, but Spike thinks it's "just enough kill." Dru turns over three more cards in the "See Whatever Image You Need To Advance The Plot" tarot deck, and nutjobs that they're coming to her party. The images on the cards, incidentally, are of a one-eyed devil, a worm, and a tiger. By the way, what do you suppose the bounty actually was? Because I don't really see Spike having much of value. Maybe he traded one of those collector's edition tarot decks.

School. Xander bumps into Willow and asks what she's doing at the Career Fair, since she didn't get assigned to a category. Willow says she's looking for Buffy. Xander tells her that she went somewhere with Giles. Willow starts to freak, because Snyder is looking for her, but the weasel himself appears on the scene. After Xander excruciatingly puts his foot in his mouth, Snyder asks where Buffy is. Willow gives her best lie, by which I mean she stammers that Buffy's around somewhere. Xander: "For what it's worth..." Snyder: "It's worth nothing, Harris. Whatever comes out of your mouth is a meaningless waste of breath. An airborne toxic event." Well, my snark may be on the fritz, but Snyder's certainly isn't. Xander, unintimidated, thanks Snyder for his honesty, and expresses the hope that someday he'll be able to be as honest with him. Snyder stalks off, and Xander leaves as well. A suit appears at Willow's side, calling her by name, and asks her to come with him and his silent partner. They usher her into the lounge, which has been sectioned off with a black curtain. Classical music plays softly, and a white-jacketed waiter appears. The suit suggests Willow try the canapé. Heh. Willow asks what's going on. The suit tells her she's been selected to meet with the head recruiter for "the world's leading software concern," which only serves to tell me that Microsoft didn't own the WB in 1997. Apparently the company jet was delayed by fog, but the suit invites Willow to relax and wait. Willow points out that she didn't even get her test results, but he tells her that the test was irrelevant, as they've been tracking her for some time. She asks if that's a good thing. Sweetie, being stalked is never a good thing. Unless you're Giles, in which case being stalked could lead to a long, happy relationship. Call me! Corporate Stalker says that their criteria are very specific, and only one other Sunnydale student met them. The suits leave. Willow turns around, to see Oz sitting on the couch examining a tray of food. Finally, a couple I can get schmoopy over without slapping myself! Willow sits down. Oz: "Canapé?" Hee.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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