Previously on Buffy we had couples: Anya and Xander, Tara and Willow, Riley and Buffy. They argued, mooned, and smooched like couples do.

We open in a Sunnydale graveyard at night. Buffy, clad in an eye-sore ensemble of curly hair, bulky rustic-knit gray sweater, and white snakeskin-pattern pleather pants, fights a vampire. She throws the vampire across the grass, and Riley is there is beat him up some more while Buffy loads her crossbow. She aims, but lowers her weapon to smile at Riley, who is in serious danger of having his saggy-ass pants sag right off his ass. Riley holds the vamp and right as Buffy is about to shoot him, a demon leaps out and smacks Riley to the ground. She and Riley re-group, and there's a sexual innuendo that I'm not even gonna write down since I'm marshalling my resources to get through the rest of this recap. Buffy fights the demon and finally stabs him, and Riley stakes the vamp. Buffy and Riley discuss the strangeness of seeing a demon and vamp teamed up together, and that it "never happens," which we all know is not true and a complete re-write of Buffyverse history. Why, just this season Spike told Giles that he used to have Fyarl demons working for him; as another example, we also saw Spike and Angel work with the Judge. Riley picks leaves out of Buffy's hair and they do the whole "slaying makes me horny" routine which is (1) sick-making and (2) what the hell are the writers trying to say? Ooh, ultra-violence gets the juices flowing! Go out beat the crap outta someone to spice up your sex life. Gack. Buffy says they need to tell Giles about the strange pairing, but she and Riley go to his room to have sex instead. All this irresponsible, wrapped-up-in-Riley Buffy is making me pine for the mopey Buffy I complained so much about at the start of this season.

Spooky music with ooe-ooe vocals plays as the camera sneaks up the stairs in Riley's frat house. Inside Riley's room, Lil' Buffy Foo-Foo and her love-bunny are snuggled in bed. Riley wakes up, creeps out of bed, and quietly puts his pants on. As he starts to leave his room, he hears a strange, muffled noise. He quietly walks through the house as the spooky music plays, and sadly, he has not thought to put a shirt on. Enough of the Riley chestage already! I don't like him and parading him around like so much flank steak isn't going to change that. Riley and his pecs enter the frat bathroom and his biceps flick on the light. He scans the room and sees nothing except a drawn shower curtain. The music gets spookier and more intense as he approaches the curtain, but when he pushes it aside all he sees is a dripping faucet. There's an extremely unflattering shot of Riley from the bathtub's point of view and then he leans over and shuts off the drip.