Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Who Are You? (2)

Episode Report Card
Who Are You? (2)

Please fasten your seatbelts and don your protective headgear because I feel a little rant coming on. First off, I have a very hard time buying that the Watcher's Council as established over the past three seasons would have anything resembling this "special operations unit." If I didn't think it was such a lame re-write, I'd be rather disappointed in Giles for willingly being a member of such a vigilante organization. Also, if the Watcher's Council does train and employ such burly, gun-toting assassins, what the hell is the explanation for Wesley? Well, I would want an explanation for Wesley even if the Watcher's council didn't have a special ops unit, I guess. Anyway, why did the WC send Wesley to be Faith's Watcher when they had serious muscle around? Which leads me to the uneasy conclusion that this "special operations unit" premise undermines the whole conceit of the Council even needing to use a Slayer. And finally, why has the focus of this show shifted from the slightly-campy supernatural to insufferably serious spy-dude, James Bondian crap like the Initiative and the special op branch of the Watcher's council? Why? Why, I ask you? 'Kay, I feel better now. Y'all can relax.

Willow wants to know what wetworks are and Xander tells her "scuba-type stuff" but Anya corrects that it means murder. Giles confirms that "Faith" will be taken to England and Fuffy begins laughing in a gloating-type way. The Scooby gang gives her looks and she says she's just happy because Faith is so evil. Willow agrees and hopes "they throw the book at her". She tells Fuffy she can't stand Faith because of what she did to her and says she wishes she had an hour alone with Faith "if [she] was larger and had grenades." Fuffy's face contorts and she snaps that she knows how Faith would respond to that, pulls a big knife and stabs Willow in the gut. Anya commenting that the information could have been conveyed by phone interrupts Fuffy's fantasy of stabbing Willow and Willow gives her a concerned look and asks what's wrong. Fuffy, all split-personality, sincerely says, "I'd never let her hurt you." Xander says he and Anya have a romantic evening planned, to which Anya amends that they're going to "light a bunch of candles and have sex near them." I am officially OVER Anya. The joke has worn thin. Fuffy sneers that she wouldn't want to stand in the way of "that seven minutes" and Anya and Xander say "hey!" Fuffy tells them to lighten up because the danger is over and is sashaying out of the room when Giles remind her that Adam is still on the loose. Fuffy doesn't know thing one about Adam but successfully covers by saying she'll patrol while the others go have fun.

Next scene Fuffy is vamping it up at the Bronze, dancing sexily with men and women both. She leaves the dance floor still dancing and runs into Spike. He's not happy to see her and inquires if she's "keeping tabs" on his, but Fuffy is confused as to who he is. She asks if she usually gives him a hard time and Spike thinks she's joking. He sneers that he's only drinking beers so she needn't worry about him and turns to leave. "You're a vampire," deduces Fuffy (way to telegraph the fact that you have no idea who he is, Faith) and strikes a pose. Spike says he used to be a vampire but now, with the chip in his head, he's as "helpless as a kitten up a tree" (umm, I'm going to a good visual place) and tells Fuffy to sod off. She turns to leave, but Spike's offended that she's turned her back on him, thusly rubbing it in that he's not a threat anymore. He mentions himself by name and Fuffy finally places him as "William the Bloody, with a chip in his head." "I kinda love this town," she continues, walking back towards him. Spike asks if Fuffy knows why he hates her and she perkily replies, "Because I'm a stuck-up tight-ass with no sense of fun?" Spike looks surprised and admits that's most of it. Fuffy continues to mock her idea of Buffy's behavior, asking, "Because I could do anything I want but instead I chose to pout and whine and feel the burden of Slayerness?" She continues that she could have anyone she wants to and sidles up very close to Spike, running her hands over his chest and pushing him against a pillar. Spike is obviously incapacitated by lust as Fuffy seductively gives him this speech: "I could ride you at a gallop until your legs buckled and your eyes rolled up. I've got muscles you've never even dreamed of. I could squeeze you until you popped like warm champagne and you begged me to hurt you just a little bit more." Giving her approximation of a good-girl face she asks him if he knows why she doesn't do all that. Spike has no response and Fuffy continues, both simperingly and seductively, "Because it's wrong." Damn, that was pretty raunchy for a 7:00 PM time-slot. She then laughs and sidles away. Spike threatens her that when he gets the chip removed they're going to "have a confrontation" Fuffy tells him to count on it and leaves. Spike angrily throws his beer bottle at a wall and storms off. In his hurry to leave, he shoves a random guy out of his way and then grabs his head in pain. It's a shame there's no way Spike and Buffy can have a romance, because SMG and James Marsters together sizzle like a thick, fatty steak over a blazing mesquite fire. Especially in comparison to her scenes with Marc Blucas, which sizzle about as much as boiled cod drenched with gravy. (Note to self: in the future, eat before writing recap).

A group of vampires walk through a dark sewer, their leader saying that wherever they were was too crowded. In order to not call attention to themselves, they're going to wait until later and then prey on a drunk. The group of vampires comes to a halt when they see Adam in front of them. Adam muses that he's been thinking about vampires and how they hide from humans, lurking in the sewers, acting like scavenging rats. He asks what the vampires fear. Vampire leader tells a henchman to kill Adam but Adam grabs the henchman by the throat and rambles on about vampires fearing crosses, sunlight and fires. He rips the henchman's head off, noting that decapitation seems to be a problem for vampires as well. Don't forget the Slayer, people! The leader tells Adam that they'll happily clear out of the sewer if he wants it but Adam tells them that because they're immortal they fear death even more than humans do. With Adam around, the vampire can have a new fear: death by extreme boredom. Adam claims vampires are a paradox, a demon living in a human body, they "walk in both worlds but belong to neither." He says he can relate and that he and the vampires have a lot to talk about. Unfortunately for us.

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer




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