Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Episode Report Card
Ace: C- | 1172 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Baby Baby Oh Baby

Fighty fight fight. One of the vamps growls, "Die, Slayer!" before getting staked. Brian grabs Dawn. "Your sister's the Slayer? I knew there was something about you!" Dawn knees him in the groin, because that's the very last thing she wanted to hear. La, la, la, vamps are staked. Over near a tree, Spike and Mort are debating the merits of the closed- vs. open-shop system in terms of designated holidays. You see, Spike's union, and that means that vamps take Halloween off. Ah, Spike. Defender of tradition. You all remember how Spike has always had the utmost respect for the old ways, right? Right? RIGHT? Anyway, Spike stakes Mort with his little crossbow, and while he's reloading, he's tackled by another vamp. The bolt flies harmlessly through the air. Buffy is busy with the only competent fighter of the lot. She flips him over a Mitsubishi Diamante or something. He rips off the antenna and tries to strangle her with it. She breaks free and does that thing where you run up to the nearest vertical surface and run up it, flipping yourself over in the process. I wish I could do that. Although I guess I don't have much need for it in my day-to-day life. It might make filing more exciting, though. I could close the door with my feet! Anyway. Buffy opens the car door as the vamp rushes her, and he busts out the glass. She pulls him through the window and then slams the door on his head, decapitating him. Nice work in that scene. The stunts are slowly growing tolerable again.

Cut to Dawn, who is sneaking home or something. She hears a noise behind her and spins around, walking slowly backwards. Brian comes up behind her: "Trick or treat!" He wrestles her to the ground and pins her there. "I thought you really liked me," she stutters. "I do," he assures her, "and you like me too." Dawn agrees. He leans down for a little nibble, then arches his back and explodes into dust from the errant crossbow bolt Dawn found on the ground and stuck straight up from her torso. Hey! If you look very carefully, you can see Contrivance sneaking away in the edge of the shot. Dawn sobs. Well. Wasn't that just the Reader's Digest condensed version of the Buffy/Angel arc for the After School Special set? I mean, without any of the emotional investment and pathos, stirring score, or compelling storyline.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

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