BOB & DON & LOVE & ROCKETS
Which is why the next morning, she shows up at the home improvement store, gleaming and grinning from every angle, and attempts to get the two guys running the place -- Bob and Don -- to come fix the floors for free. Or as she says, "On layaway, like at Contempo Casual." Needless to say, this doesn't go well... And neither do her two separate attempts to seduce Bob, and then Don, as a sort of divide and conquer strategy. Once again, nobody is feeling Michelle's wiles in this episode, which ironically makes her act goofier and cuter even than usual.
Michelle: "So no one wants to do me. Or your floors. Is there a libido issue in this area? Has something in the water killed off all the testosterone in the town of Paradise, or have I very suddenly lost all my skills to seduce?"
Fanny: "Uh, who are you trying to seduce?"
Michelle: "The hardware store guys, Bob and Don?"
Fanny: "Fat Bob and Skinny Don? For sex?"
Michelle: "No! To do our floors. I strutted my stuff a little bit to get them to do it on layaway, like Contempo Casuals, and they just turned their backs..."
Fanny, exhausted: "Will I ever be able to go in that store again?"
Michelle: "I'd give it some time."
Michelle: "But it's not too late! Fix the floors, show Joffrey the Ojai stats on animal abuse and mushroom consumption, we'll get 'em back! I found an Internet cafe, went online, found a town -- a bigger town, north of here, with multiple resources for fixing a dance floor, friendly-looking guys featured in the ads... Can't tell how horny they are, but I'll find out when I get there!"
I wanted to make some kind of Carpenter-ia joke here, but it never quite gelled. You get the idea.
Fanny: "...Wait, Oxnard? I've spent my whole life avoiding Oxnard."
Sasha drops some shoes -- toe shoes or pointe shoes or maybe those are different things or maybe they're the same thing, I don't really care so I'm going to just say they are shoes, pink ones -- on Boo's desk.
Sasha: "My lame dad got 'em for me, they're totally wrong, and I just thought maybe you'd want them."
Boo: "They're brand-new, and they're in my size..."
Sasha: "Yeah, he's an idiot. He bought them way too big."
Boo: "Hmm. Three sizes too big?"
Sasha: "I think maybe he had a stroke in the dancewear aisle, but whatever."