Bunheads
Money For Nothing

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | 7 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
The Smell Is Me

Can't pay to refloor the dance studio, but you can fly in the Dalai Lama and cram him under a Ringling Bros. tent and everybody's wearing capes.

...I mean, I'm not trying to be a hater. I had this hope that I would hate this episode less on review, or that my love of ASP and the show would somehow counterbalance the complete clusterfuck of this episode, but no. And I want to be very clear about this: I would not wish the title of Exec Producer on anyone I loved, because it is a short ride to running out of steam. Even Louie CK is losing steam. And I'm not saying ASP is particularly crazy... I mean, let's pretend that Jacob had his own show -- a job I would never want, because of precisely this reason -- but let's just peek into that disquieting rabbit hole for a sec. You know what I mean?

Just off the top of my head, my TV show would need to include: Teenage girls murdering Baby Boomers for laughs and assuming political power, nuns turning into consumerist werewolves, a lady made out of computers that only can talk in Bangles lyrics, an oracular computer made out of dirt and bees, everybody popping pills all the time, parallel dimensions where everybody is some other kind of thing, gay librarians from the future with clipboards, probably like a witch in there or like a witch that is also a hacker or a celebrity chef, monks just going berserk, maybe like some kind of genetically modified army of terrorist supermodels, a ghost that is your boyfriend or some kind of gay vampire in love with a priest I assume would make it in there, I mean... That's not a show anybody would watch. That's not a show I would watch, it sounds awful.

But it also sounds not unlike Bunheads, in some key ways.

OYSTER SHACK

Ginny: "Okay, I have one personality trait which is that I have a ginger boyfriend and we've been together since second grade. We do things like buy potting soil together."
Melanie: "I like Josh, and all, but that's pretty gay. Like how I am maybe the gay one."
Sasha: "I don't like Josh, because I don't like anything, because I'm awful."
Boo: "I don't get to have an opinion about anything. I'm Boo."
Sasha: "Bring us some free French fries because it is exhausting being so mean all the time and I have a very fast metabolism. Same reason."

Don't you think that in about five years Sasha will be one of those that's like, "I just don't get along with other women. Most of my friends are guys, I don't know." And then somebody, maybe Michelle, will take her aside and say, "When you say that, what other people hear you saying is, I am a monster."

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Bunheads

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