She's still got the eyebrow! It makes everything so weird! It's like a Girls shout-out, except that seems really unlikely. Frankly more of a rip-off maybe.

INSIDE

Dad's just sitting on the couch, staring into space, and I guess he has been doing so all night. The girls scatter, and Sasha sits down and looks at him for a while, clearly about to come out of the closet, shaking and kind of teary-eyed, and decides she'll have none of that.

Sasha: "I stayed out all night and wrecked Mom's car. Goodnight."

And she leaves. Which yes, that would be a kind of cool ending to the episode. Not fucked up, totally understandable, and kind of yearning and sad, like, just delaying the inevitable moment she has to accept things and grow up, and their whole family breaks into a million pieces, and her mom ignores her even more than before. Right? Wouldn't that be an unexpected but welcome character moment to fade to black on?

NOPE

Because instead, we transition to a fantasy piece in which Sasha -- in a black catsuit with quasi-Black Swan eye makeup -- does a beautifully choreographed, sexy dance to "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)."

The whole song.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

Fuck it. I'm in. You got me, show. You got me good. You know, I have been feeling super weird for weeks, drinking at odd hours and acting out on Facebook, turning shit in late, thinking the whole time there was some kind of psychological thing I was about to face. None of the old tricks were working: Dreaming about twice as much, trying to get there that way, no dice, it's all six-months-ago, scene of the crime stuff, nothing moving forward. Nothing I don't already know, or have already set aside for autumn.

So, Step Two: Sending emails back and forth with Drunk Jacob. He usually gives pretty good advice -- as well as excellent gifts, and song recommendations -- but he was blustery and thought it was about guys, which I knew it wasn't. I'm so not into that right now. But it kind of felt like that, like I'd been fired, or been through a breakup, or moved to a new city. Everything feeling transitional, even though I'm not really wanting for a change, as far as I know.

Then it's like Threat Level Absolute, my phone starts blowing up with randos I haven't seen in years, and every time I go to a movie I'm sitting a seat or two away from an ex -- this has happened several times in the last week, I'm not shitting you -- and I thought, "Maybe I'm going to get hit by a Walmart truck or something, and this is just me closing up shop, or all these synchronicities will make sense suddenly, and I'll be at a coffee machine and suddenly remember that I'm supposed to be with Sawyer and then instantly die in the sideways universe." Right? You know what I mean?