Truly gives her an envelope from Fanny, with the studio's keys inside -- nice -- and assures Michelle that she's doing fine.
Truly: "Yes, I may have to read a terrible, awful book, but at the end of that book there's cake. And friendship. Which you will never understand."
Michelle: "I understand cake."
...And that's the end of the first act, friends.
Michelle: "Where the hell are you?"
Fanny: "I dicked ya!"
Michelle: "You ran to a spa for a week? With all that money we don't have?"
Fanny: "It's cool, I just dicked ya! Look, I'm taking a well-deserved break while you assume the responsibilities this show has wanted you to take on since minute one of the pilot."
Michelle: "But my paper-thin, dumb reasons!"
Fanny: "That's what makes it so marvelous. You have none, so I'm in the right. And loving it!"
Michelle: "But unbeknownst to you, my showgirl friend Talia is driving my car down and we're going on a road trip..."
Fanny: "I suppose if you need a birthday party like an eight-year-old girl you can dress up like Cinderella and wear a tiara..."
Michelle: "-- That was one time!"
Fanny: "-- At night. But those girls are yours in the daytime. Dicked ya!"
Fanny: "Also, I installed a stripper pole in there for you."
Michelle: "What are you talking about?"
Fanny: "I have no idea. This show makes zero sense whatsoever. Teach cardio striptease to the housewives of Paradise, there's a DVD that came with the pole. Make some money."
Michelle sighs, defeated by this lack of logic, and teaches the girls some ballet.
The young ladies try to figure out what their fried appetizer is made of. Melanie eats one and dies; nobody cares.
Boo: "The movie truck is coming to town! It's a truck, with movies."
Ginny: "Oh cool, like our last storyline involved us going to an R-rated movie."
Melanie: "This appetizer smells like my brother's feet."
Sasha: "Cool story, Appalachia. Anyway, you ladies are invited to stay at my house all weekend, and get up to shenanigans. I hope nobody falls asleep with a boy! I'm desperate for friendship."
Melanie eats more Charlie Feet food and they just laugh. Oh, Melanie.
Michelle plays with the stripper pole for approximately as cute and goofy a time as when she was having that curtain rod problem. Talia enters, and points out how funny it is that she left Vegas and then ended up on the pole.