Boo: "Michelle, why don't you leave me and Carl alone to be in love?"
Carl: "I don't care one way or the other. My ardor has cooled ever since you let those Bunheads be absolutely horrible to me."
Boo: "Michelle, allow me to reiterate about Carl."
Michelle: "Boo, hang on while I'm horrific about Truly a few more times."

LATER

Fanny: "These girls make me want to vomit with their dancing!"
Michelle: "I have photographic evidence of me being friends with that choreographer who is avoiding me!"
Fanny: "You're so self-absorbed. Back to me. I can't stand these girls and their dancing."
Michelle: "Fix it with Sasha, idiot. She's just a child and you are a hundred."
Fanny: Attempts to cast a young man as Clara in The Nutcracker.

Michelle: "I can hear that guy's voice laughing in the background! Somebody is lying to me!"
Fanny: Attempts to kill the young man through jumping.

BASH III: BASH ME, BASH YOU

Michelle: "Why's there no line in this coffee shop I destroyed?"
Bash: "I am mute and quirky. And mean."
Michelle: "Please just give me some coffee, okay?"
Bash: "I will take fifteen minutes to make your coffee, because that's how long this scene is going to go on and on."
Michelle: "Just skip the picture in the foam. Your job is worthless. You, as a person, are worthless. Make my coffee."
Bash: "I call one of my gay dads Mom, because that's not offensive at all."
Michelle: "Bitch if this is going to be a referendum on who's more ludicrous, I will race you to the bottom so fast."

She wins. More Starbucks jokes, including a meta-joke about how this entire joke that is her whole storyline this week already took place in the '90s. This show is like a certain kind of older lonely gay person -- you know exactly what I am talking about, I think -- who related to gay culture in a small town most of his life through magazines and urban legends and like, International Male catalogs, so the first time he meets another actual gay person, he grows a mustache and puts on a muumuu and a jockstrap and some Donna Summer, because he thinks that's how things are done. Only instead of being confused about what it is to be gay, the show is that confused about how to be alive.