Melanie: "You can't like Charlie, Boo likes Charlie. She has the rights of liking Charlie and you can't possibly act on your own agency. Moonstruck yourself immediately! Or else passive aggression won't win! Liking the things that you like and behaving yourself like a normal fucking person is no way for thirty-year-old women of the eighties to act!"
BASH-BASHING ANTI-BASH RALLY
Can I just point out that Michelle has now lied to everyone in the entire town -- even Melanie thinks it's for a Sound Of Music sing-along, just because -- in order to yell at them about not opening a grocery store they don't want, just because she can't manage to get a cup of coffee? I realize we're all on the same page here, I just wanted to see it in print: This isn't Hawkeye trading somebody's boot for somebody else's Rita Hayworth pinup to get some penicillin for our boys in the 4007th or anything like that. This is about a cup of coffee, about civil disobedience regarding municipal statues related to a nonexistent grocery store where she could get a cup of coffee that's not from a gas station nor a Sean Gunn. You know where else they have those? AT YOUR HOUSE, YOU DIPSHIT.
Ginny: "The Jews think this is a bris, some other dudes think it's a bachelor party, and we're here to Skype with Hugh Jackman."
Bunheads: "We are fucking retarded in this show."
T.A.Y.L.O.R. D.O.O.S.E.s: "Let's get this over with."
Michelle gives an impassioned speech, while wearing a t-shirt that says Dance Your Ass Off, in which -- true to form -- she manages to insult every single person in the goddamn room. Has she ever had a scene where she didn't say something personalized and super shitty to every other person in the scene? And then the music goes la-la-la, as if she hasn't been begging for the full Shirley Jackson since the first second she showed up.
A D.O.O.S.E.: Makes a Grey Poupon reference. For real, that happened. And later, Rogaine.
Michelle: "Anyway, this is really just about coffee."
Paradise: "But we like Bash! It's short for Sebastian and he dresses like a twat, it's just part of our quirky, horrible culture we have here."
Gypsy: "We don't care about any of this."
Michelle: Hunkers down to give a totally condescending speech about mom & pop stores and whatever. Dragons.