The girls take off and before Michelle can even begin to beg Fanny not to do this to her, Fanny is off and running.

Fanny: "My son just got married, and I didn't get to be at the ceremony? So I'd like to be at the party. You understand? You approve? Because God forbid I offend you."
Michelle, still bewildered, possibly about to throw up again: "I'm not offended..."
Fanny: "You're not offended that I want to throw you a wedding party after missing the wedding? I am so relieved."

Fanny sends her off to get changed, and then -- since all Michelle's got is the fox t-shirt on her back -- to a store, which regrettably is called "Sparkles," to pick something up. This after confirming that Michelle isn't pregnant, she's just stupid enough to get kidnapped by her stalker and then marry him. Also quite a relief, I'm guessing.

SPARKLES

Stacy Oristano is pretty much unrecognizable as "Truly," the nervous -- and possibly batshit crazy -- fashion designer and operator of the store, who is backed up by the intimidating woman who played Gypsy. (I know I said no Gilmore talk, but it's interesting.) Truly jumps out at Michelle from behind something and then wordlessly shoves a strange dress at her which is covered in ducks. Not quite right.

Truly: "Are you looking for something specific? Birthday party? Graduation party?"
Michelle: "Wedding party, actually. My wedding. So ... Something black, with a veil...?"

Truly goes apeshit. It's rather impressive. Seems she's in love with Hubbell and always has been, in her shaky poodle way, and has already learned about the "pole dancer from Reno" who stole her man's heart, and then Sam (Gypsy) comes out -- wearing that duck dress herself -- talking about the "stripper from Tahoe," and the whole time Truly is screaming about how she was told Michelle wasn't that pretty, but now here she is with her prettiness, walking around on her legs, and Michelle is still too poleaxed to take offense at the way these nuts act, and finally Truly pulls herself together.