What's Your Damage, Heather?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 6 USERS: B-
Blood In/Blood Out/La-La-La

Uh, for starters Melanie just said it was three days ago, so for one thing you are some kind of time witch.

Truly: "I still love Hubbell, you idiot."
Michelle: "He's dead, and before that he was mine. So how long were you planning on waiting?"
Truly: "Italian widows wear black for the rest of their lives."
Michelle: "That sounds slimming."
Truly: "I think maybe it's been long enough."
Michelle: "Uh, since you lost the guy you never had? Just kidding, I know what you mean. It feels like cheating. Probably way more to you than it will to me, when I next get laid. Since you actually knew the deceased, and all."

Truly: "This show is so fucking weird! It's like on Cosby Show how they'd come out into the kitchen sometimes at the end and Rudy would just be watching Martin Luther King, Jr. footage."
Michelle: "Only on this show it's weird morose dances, or strange deaths. I've been thinking there would be a last-second abortion for most of this season, to be honest."
Truly: "Man, can you imagine? It would be all like Boo being weird, random Godot shirtless, hahaha Sparkles, and Fanny would say some smart-ass Buddha thing and then you'd just turn to the camera and say..."
Michelle: "I'm pregnant with Hubbell's baby and I just found out and I've been drinking this whole time and so I'm getting an abortion."
Truly: "And then start the next episode like, 'Who wants pizza!?'"

Michelle: "Anyway. Sweetie, go for it. And don't be mad at me for the horrible way I am."
Truly: "Whatever, we're friends."
Michelle: "[Really awful, tone-deaf questions about Terry, along the lines of the death-face joke the Bunheads kept making the day Hubbell died.]"


Michelle: "Sasha, why are you wearing my shirt? Why did you steal my shirt?"
Sasha: "I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you're talking about."
Michelle: "Siegfried gave that to the night Roy got mauled by that tiger. Hahaha! Timely and hilarious, these are my hallmarks!"

(Nope. No, and also no he didn't do that.)

Sasha: "No he didn't, and I still have no idea what you're talking about, because I never have any idea what you're talking about, because you are a raving lunatic with no point. But I do know we're going to talk about it forever and ever."

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