What's Your Damage, Heather?

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 6 USERS: B-
Blood In/Blood Out/La-La-La

...But I guess I covered all that with "how British people and nerds talk to each other." Which is absolutely the fucking worst.


Ginny's mom -- I'm going to call her Claire, it couldn't matter less really -- rushes in, shoving Nanette out of the way to sputter, sputter, sputter -- forever, yes -- at Michelle. But for what? For what? For what forever?

Claire: "After eight years with the perfect man! You made her break up after eight years with the perfect man! She doesn't know you have to keep him forever no matter what! That I rely on her boyfriend for things that are inappropriate, which is to say anything whatsoever!"
Michelle: "None of this has anything to do with me, and I didn't talk your daughter out of shit, and uh, is Ginny okay?"
Claire: "No! She doesn't know it yet! I am a single mother! He took out our trash! He made my daughter happy! He owned a ladder! What will I do now without a little boy around the house to act like my husband?"

"Um, the fuck? You whored your daughter out since the second grade because you need a live-in handyman and can't get a boyfriend. That's what you're saying. In front of her. In front of your daughter. To a stranger, who is substitute-teaching her free ballet class, and has nothing to do with this, and never could have prepared for this, because this is... Gonzo. This is some Betty Draper shit, bitch. I did not sign on for this."

I would feel so much better if I knew that this show was adapted from a foreign TV show -- with a better title, hopefully -- and that's why nothing ever, ever makes sense. Like it would be so interesting to look it up on Wikipedia and be like, "Oh Martha, it says here that they did this in the original Israeli series, Women Without Tasks, because over there, the youngest daughter's boyfriend actually is expected to work as an unpaid handyman from the second grade on. It's based on the myth of Jacob and Leah. Isn't that so interesting?"

Or, "Did you know in the Swedish version -- Fså blir nya grafikstommen, lit. "A Cry of Ballet" -- the One-Eyed Plumber is actually a sort of magical figure who punches holes in walls and looks through them with his unseeing eye in order to help track down Hubbell's killer? Also, Sparkles is exclusively a store for bondage gear. I can see why they changed that stuff, I guess."

But instead, no. Just a bunch of Americans throwing money and time and serious effort into this grand experiment of weird activity.

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