Burn Notice

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | 1776 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Method to the Madness

As soon as the door closes, Fi presents Michael with a little gift: "The incendiary rounds you asked for. Sounds like you're planning quite a party." She wants to come along, but Michael says it's invite-only. He has to perform some awkward dialogue and even more awkward blocking as he explains to Fi that Victor's ready to kill to get the crate, and Michael needs to look inside without triggering any carnage. "So shoot Victor and take a look. What's the problem?" Fi says predictably. Michael isn't willing to declare that kind of war on Them yet. All but prying the box of shells from her hands, he says, "wish me luck." Which she doesn't.

At the docks, Victor cocks his little .22 "Cute gun," Michael tweaks, pumping his giant shotgun. "Look at you," Victor says, declining to play "mine's bigger." Taking a battery-powered rotary saw from the trunk, he runs across to the warehouse and goes to work on the padlock. Mere moments later, that same security car comes into view, and the guards are going to see Victor and his shower of sparks in a moment. Michael reaches into the car for his shotgun and goes into a VO: "Notorious for causing brush fires, 12-gauge incendiary rounds create a small explosion that burns at three thousand degrees." Michael now fires one of those rounds at the security car's front tire, which does quite a bit more than spring a leak. Victor looks over at the blast, but keeps working on the lock. "People don't drive when their tires are on fire," Michael adds as the guards stumble out of their burning car. Man, the things you learn on this show. Victor is just getting through the lock when the guards spot him. Michael turns his aim on his next target, that stack of blue barrels. He gives a little speech in VO about water sealant and how it's both fairly ubiquitous in Miami and quite flammable. Of course he's wasting his breath, because anybody who's ever played a first-person shooter knows what Michael needs to do: shoot the explodey barrels. Which he forthwith does. This has the doubly beneficial effect of hurling the stunned guards to the pavement and providing Victor cover behind a curtain of flame while he grabs a wooden crate, heaves it onto his shoulder, and dashes back to the car. Michael pops the trunk for him and Victor throws the crate in while Michael slides behind the wheel and hits the button on the taser taped to the seat next to him. Bzzt. Smile, mysterious contents of crate! Victor jumps in next to Michael, none the wiser. At least not until he mysteriously develops a giant tumor on his ass from the massive dose of x-ray radiation he was just unwittingly exposed to. By the time the guards are able to regain their feet and fire more than a couple of ill-aimed shots, the Impala is already through the gate and out of view.

Burn Notice

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