Burn Notice

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Stacey's Mom

Michael's sitting in a nondescript dark sedan outside a graveyard. Well, it's not entirely nondescript; the ceiling liner is hanging down in tatters. So that's descriptive, I guess. From this vantage point, Michael can see Detective Paxson, apparently off stakeout, back in her grown-up pantsuit and now talking to some people just after a burial. You can tell by the hearse in the background. Sam hops into the shotgun seat and asks about Michael's new ride. "Three hundred bucks," Michael says. "Statistically, it's the second-most popular car in Miami. Should make tailing me a little more challenging." And statistically, it's likely to belong to Sam by the end of the season. Sam hands Michael a copy of the police dossier on someone else Paxson has been after, a guy named Rick Matheson. According to the photo (okay, and the opening credits), he's played by Erik Palladino, formerly Dr. Dave on ER. "Got a habit of ripping off drug dealers," Sam says. "Left a trail of bodies across Miami." Including the one currently being planted, an innocent bystander who got caught in the crossfire, of course. Michael asks about Paxson's case against Matheson, which is presently dick. Apparently she took a few runs at him and then had to back off after he filed a harassment complaint. See, Michael, that's how you deal with Paxson. But rather than stealing an excellent idea, Michael explains the plan: they help Paxson with her case. "We take Matheson down the right way, she'll have no choice but to get off my back." No choice? Really? As Paxson goes and gets in her car, she gets yet another subtitle, this one reading, "Detective Paxson -- The Client." You knew that was coming. With the A-plot for the week laid out, Sam's off to his B-plot audit, which he's feeling pretty good about. "The I.R.S. agent's name is Stacey Connolly," he tells Michael. "Time to deploy the Sam Axe arsenal." Let's hope that wink he tips Michael isn't the best weapon in there. It's a bit too "Bad Ash," if you get my meaning. [Good Ash, bad Ash -- he's the guy with the chin. - Zach]

Later, Sam sits at a seaside restaurant, having dressed up for the occasion. Yes, he's still wearing an aloha shirt as always, but it has long sleeves. Michael VOs, "In any sort of operation, flirtation is always a tactical option." Really? What if you're hideous? "Romance is a powerful force, and under the right circumstances, it can achieve your objective." Sam smiles at a businesslike blonde walking towards him, and she smiles back. "Of course, not every circumstance is the right one," Michael says, as she walks on by. Sam's still getting over that disappointment when a bespectacled, roly-poly nerd appears at his table. "Stacey Connolly, IRS," he introduces himself. "Stacey Connolly -- I.R.S.," add the subtitles, just so we know this isn't a prank. Stacey (who, just in case I haven't made it clear yet, is a dude) plops his briefcase down on the table, complaining about the distraction of the calypso music, just as the server delivers the pair of cosmos Sam must have ordered when he still thought Stacey Connolly was a chick. The actual Stacey Connolly is not impressed. "It's not going to work, because I do not drink, Mr. Axe." Clicking his pen, he says, "I audit." Sam stammers that they're both for himself. Stacey pops open his briefcase, which contains a letter stating that Sam's pension checks are on hold until he accounts for all of his expenditures over the last three years. But when he admits that he didn't bring his records ("I just thought we would get acquainted," he chuckles, which is funny because Stacey is a dude), Stacey bails on the meeting, saying they'll set up another appointment. He warns Sam not to try to charm him and snots off with a brusque "Good day." Hey, he forgot to add, "I said good day!"

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Burn Notice

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