Burn Notice

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: A- | 1572 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Up Michael's Alley

In a charmingly (not to say condescendingly) "ethnic" neighborhood of Miami, Erik and Michael meet Sam and Fi, who are casually waiting at a sidewalk table. Of the four of them, it's worth mentioning that Erik's the only one not wearing a white shirt. Sam points across the street to the abandoned storefront church, saying that's where the shooter is holed up. Erik wonders how they found them so fast. Sam and Fi share some fake details of their "investigation," which you don't need to know about except that the made-up original owner of the fictional car that Erik supposedly sold to "Pete" was none other than the busiest man in South Florida, Chuck Finley. "We'll hit them around the back, through the alley," Sam says. "Easy-peasy."

Sam and Fi get a weapons bag out of the trunk of the Charger and head up the alley as Michael and Erik follow. "Getting the target to do what you want requires a delicate touch," Michael VOs. "Sometimes you're a bully, and sometimes you're a friend." Sam tells his "clients" to wait behind the corner while he and Fi go on ahead with their weapons at the ready, full of confidence. "You have to know when to give the target help and comfort," Michael VOs, nodding reassuringly at Erik, "and when to take it away." With that, he reaches into his pocket and squeezes a button.

The front of Fi's white blouse pops redly three times, and she goes down, giving every appearance of being mortally wounded. I watch it in slow motion several times. "Get back!" Sam yells at Erik and Michael. "Where are they? Where are they!" Then his squibs go off, front and back, and he tumbles backward into a pile of garbage, twitching theatrically. "Run!" Michael roars to Erik, and they take off down the alley. Now it's Fi's turn. She presses a remote in her supposedly dead hand, and as Erik looks back without slowing down, Michael turns into Warren Beatty at the end of Bonnie & Clyde. Erik keeps running, looking back in wide-mouthed panic. Somehow he makes it out alive, though. The fake bad guys must have run out of fake bullets for their fake guns.

Our three heroes get up, and Fi and Sam immediately start bickering about each other's falling technique. Fi thinks Sam overdid it, while he in turn snipes, "You looked like you were shot with a bow and arrow." Heh. Maybe next week. Michael says that's all beside the point; it's mission accomplished. "Let's clean up and get out of here." Good plan. They really do look like the walking dead right now. As far as whether the police could do this, I think it's secondary to the extremely low likelihood of whether they would.

Burn Notice

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