Egregious credit sequence.
Slow music plays as FHM and Hank sit on the floor, smokin' weed as she plays with his guitar. She's diggin' his LPs and saying she loves vinyl. "Yeah. It just sounds better," Hank says emphatically. What are you, Eddie Vedder? She says he's an analog guy in a digital world. GAH! I hate when people abuse that phrase. If it's not Erykah Badu singing it, I don't want to hear that shit. He says he may steal that. Hey, Hank, that's like fourth-hand already. But you're the genius writer, what do I know? Hank asks her name. "Wouldn't you rather just fuck me and never know?" she asks. Finally, a show with real women characters we can all relate to! Hank mutters, "Who says romance is dead?" They kiss. She wraps her legs around him as they lie down on the vinyl records.
Instead of watching them have sex, which would have made this whole lead-up at least a little worthwhile, we blur ahead to Hank waking up the next morning, naked on the floor. The needle is bumping the end of the album. There's a knock at the door. Hank puts on his tiny black shorts. Hank is not pleased to see that it's Mia. He suddenly realizes that FHM took his guitar and records. He moans that he's been robbed. Mia tells him, wholly unoriginally, to save the drama for his mama. "Oh, the humanity!" he mutters. Mia asks who did it. Hank says it was some girl. Mia is surprised that Hank screwed a girl's intimate areas without knowing her name. Hank said it seemed like a fair trade-off at the time. He makes no effort to put on more clothes with a sixteen-year-old he's had sex with in his house. Hank asks what she wants. Peace in the Middle East. A two-hour orgasm. Pages of his lesser works. Hank tells her no. He says there's no such thing as a two-hour orgasm or his lesser works. Hank tells her to write her own stuff. She threatens to cry rape. He says she won't, because she enjoys torturing him too much. She agrees. Hank tells her to just write anything and he'll help her with it. He says he'll give her notes. Mia says Bill never helps her with her homework. Hank says he doesn't like being compared to Bill the Absent Putz. Mia tries to hug him and Hank pushes her away. He says he's sure she can write up something. He pushes her out.
Charlie's Office of Gouging Your Fucking Eyes Out With Sporks. Dani California comes in. She asks what he wants. Charlie says he dropped an Advil on the floor earlier and couldn't find it. He asks her to crawl around and look for it. She does so. He asks her to go slowly. She crawls lower, showing her undies. She says his head must be throbbing. Charlie agrees that it is, a bit. Charlie rolls up a copy of Variety in his lap. A quick knock at the door. Oh, shit, it's Marcy! Hide, fully-clothed employee! Marcy is wearing a pretty hot dress. Charlie gets up immediately to greet her. Dani, from the floor, greets her. Marcy asks what's going on. Charlie explains about the Advil and how his back went out, and Dani suddenly finds the Advil. Marcy sort of doesn't buy it. "That's an Advil," she says. Charlie tells Dani she can take lunch. She says she'll just eat something at her desk. She leaves. Marcy says that Dani's like his little slave. Charlie giggles girlishly. Marcy's short-term memory suddenly wipes itself. She tells Charlie she wants to get laid. She says they used to do nooners all the time at CAA. Charlie says everybody was fucking everybody at CAA. Charlie says that Dani is right outside. "Even better," Marcy says. She pushes Charlie onto his office chair and mounts him. She offers to lap-dance him, verb-like. She grabs his already-present boner. They mount. Remember when you called the cable or satellite company and ordered Showtime? You were like, "Fuck it. I'm subscribing to Showtime! Give me one Showtime!" Remember how you fantasized that one day you might get to see Pamela Adlon and Evan Handler having sex on TV? Your day has come. They go at it like monkeys. Marcy tells him to take his time. He doesn't. Best fifteen seconds ever! He's done. Marcy isn't. She says maybe she'll go to Nordstrom. Now that's sexy.