Californication
Fear And Loathing At The Fundraiser

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Fear And Loathing At The Fundraiser

Fundraiser! Hank, walking with Meredith, complains about "fascist architecture," then he asks what they're doing there. Meredith says they're mingling. He lights up a cigarette, which is like taking your dick out in public in California. I bet he's done that, too. They spot Charlie giving an awkward hug and bro-shake to Hank's nemesis, the evil populist filmmaker Todd Carr. Charlie comes over and tries to give Hank some love, but Hank pushes him away and reiterates his hate for that motherfucker Charlie was just with. Charlie says he's been trying to sign Carr for years. Hank threatens to fire Charlie for the hundredth time. Charlie whines about how little commission he earns from Hank's minuscule output. Hank jokes about feeling cheated on. Charlie assures Hank that Hank gives better head than Carr. This went from amusing to cute to horrifying in about five seconds. Charlie compliments Meredith for managing to get Hank to the fundraiser. She says she had to use all her feminine wiles. "And a butt plug," Hank adds. I wish I could get the baby to shit on command for lines like that.

Hank asks about Marcy. Charlie says she had an emergency waxing to attend to. He says Marcy's probably staring down the business end of Angelina's "vageena" right now. Hank says he has to think about that for a bit. Meredith excuses herself to go talk to a friend. Charlie asks about Meredith and calls her a "nice girl." Hank says she's not so nice. Charlie, now smitten, asks if she's naughty and what she's into. He asks if she's into a little "B&D," and just then, Dani California, the naughty assistant, walks up to them. "Settle down, tiger," says Hank, and I wish he'd said, "settle down, Beavis." Dani says hi to Hank, who calls her "Morticia." She asks if Charlie still needs her. Charlie asks if she finished reading the manuscript he gave her and whether she wrote her coverage. Charlie tells her to get back to work. He watches her ass as she goes. Hank asks if there's anything Charlie wants to tell him. "Please. I'm a married man," Charlie says, smiling. Hank repeats the question after Charlie has gone.

Bathroom. Hank is peeing. It's really the only time his penis isn't jammed into someone else. Hank is drinking champagne while urinating, which is...I don't know...so very Showtime, I guess. Carr walks up to the next urinal. Hank asks if they can agree not to throw down while their cocks are out. Aw, I was looking forward to a cockfight that wouldn't harm any animals. "Yours is out?" Carr asks. Carr snickers and says he's done fighting. Hank taunts him about getting his ass kicked before. Carr says Hank is his own worst enemy. Hank says that's an astute observation. Carr thanks Hank for getting him out of a horrible fucking marriage. Hank is curious. Carr says the bitch was crazy and that it's the last time he marries a white woman. Hank asks how she took it. Carr says he hasn't split with her yet, but he may do it tonight. Hank is surprised to hear that the woman is at the fundraiser. All right, the fireworks have all been laid out, now it's time to light them up. Carr pats Hank on the shoulder, which makes Hank squirm from all the pee-hand.

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Californication

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