Californication
Hell-A Woman

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | 4 USERS: A+
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Hell-A Woman

This week we get a proper set of opening credits. And they're awful. Seriously awful. Like a film school project threw up on someone's home movies and then had sex with the celluloid vomit on top of some ad agency's proposal for an edgy new pair of jeans to be sold at J. Crew. With David Duchovny exhausting himself the whole time. Oy.

Hank is driving. He shows up at Exy's house. Her fiancé, Bill, answers the door. He's wiry and older-looking and a little greasy. He says Becca doesn't want to see her father. Hank asks if he wants a cock punch. Excuse me? Bill advises giving Becca some space. Hank thinks that might be the problem. Bill says his sixteen-year-old daughter, the one Hank fucked last week, is an angel. Bill gloats that he must be doing something right. Icky. I just got the douche chills. Hank pulls a lame "Homo says 'What?' " He laughs. Bill smiles, bemused. Hank makes fun of some of Bill's art. Exy walks in and sidesteps an attempted hug from Hank. Becca, looking even more Betty Page-gothy than last week, walks down the stairs. She says she still hates her dad, but she does want to see his movie. It's got Tom and Katie! Unfortunately, that's Tom Green and Kate Jackson. Hank asks how she could like the movie. Becca says it proves he's not an asshole like everyone says. Sweetie, he is very much the asshole everyone says he is. Hank holds out his hand. She has to pay for her swear with cash. Exy asks if they can switch Becca nights because they have people coming over for dinner. Turns out it's Hank's agent and his agent's wife. Hank wasn't supposed to know. Exy asks him to bring a date. Hank tells Becca to put on her earbuds. He grouses about making Exy jealous and guesses that she's not going to marry him then. Bill is like, "Dude, I'm standing right here." That's a fact. Hank tries to stroke Exy's cheek and Bill just stands there, in his own house, mind you, and lets this fuckwit act like he owns the place. Punch his cock, Bill! Becca asks if Hank is coming to dinner. Hank says yes and he insults Bill by calling him "Bob, Billy Bob, whatever the fuck" on his way out. I now hate Bill, too, for not kicking this fuckmuffler in the Duchovnuts. Becca goes with Hank and Bill makes a face in the doorway like he's the principal and the Brat Pack just pulled a prank on him. Hate! Exy is smiling the whole time, which makes her kind of a jackass, too. Oh, wow, I see a bright number of future seasons for this lot of unlikeable characters.

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Californication

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