Californication
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | 2 USERS: A+
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Pilot

Inside, they're drinking wine and tempting sexual fate. I have no idea how their daughter could possibly be acting out right now. Hank uses this as an opportunity to assume that Becca's mom wants him back. She says she only called him because their daughter was in trouble. They reminisce about how the sex part of their relationship was the only part that worked. He offers to marry her. She thinks he just wants his muse back. I think it's a no. Mia walks in. It turns out she's the daughter of the ex's boyfriend. Awk-ward! Hank needs another punch to the face. It's obvious to anyone except Natasha McElhone that these two have boned, but they pretend not to know each other. Mia asks what happened to his eye. "You should see the other guy," he says. Mia jokes that she hopes the woman doesn't press charges. Mia shakes his hand and takes off. Hank asks, scared, how old that girl might be. "Sixteen," he is told. Are we liking this guy yet? Is there anything else he could do in this episode to make us stop watching, or are we cool with it all because he looks like David Duchovny? Would we be so forgiving as viewers if he looked like, say, Steve Buscemi? The ex says she was just fucking with Hank, so I guess she's not really sixteen.

Hank has old-home-movie flashbacks to his old life while a bad emo cover of "Rocket Man" plays. Hank sits down in front of a laptop and tries to write. "Fuck." That's all he's able to type. Or do. The end.

Tune in next week, when Hank does shitty things and bangs Hollywood actresses who'll show their tits for TV. Only on Showtime!

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Californication

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