Calling (1)

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Snideface: The Revenge

Dropkick unlocks her office door (it's purple) and walks in. She is one messy doctor. Or, judging from the dramatic music, maybe her office was ransacked. Files are everywhere; a chair is overturned. "I don't believe this," she says. Yes, this is by far the most unbelievable thing that's happened in two seasons on this show. A locked tiny vault with a window is flashing a fluorescent light. It looks kind of like what my upgraded computer was going to look like inside the case if I had sprung an extra $9 for the cold blue cathode plug-in light. I am geeky, but I was unwilling to cross that extra line into true nerddom. Dropkick opens the little refrigerator vault. Lex says they should call the police. All her blood vials are missing. Lex asks if there's anything valuable that was taken. She doesn't answer before we cut to...

...Bo Duke, dismounting from a farm vehicle. He's talking to Dr. Dropkick. He asks her if anything important was taken in her office robbery. As the camera spins around them unnecessarily, she says the vial of blood she drew from Clark when he was sick ("Fever") is missing. Bo asks why she would even still have it. He's pissed. She says she kept it in case Clark got sick again. She says it wasn't labeled and there's no way anybody could connect it to Clark. Oh, really? Bo asks why anyone would want to steal it. That's a very good question. Bo has developed higher brain functions! She says the police think junkies may have been looking for drugs. Blood drugs. She looks very tiny in this scene, standing near Bo. "Or maybe somebody who wanted to make it look that way," she says. Dramatic music flashes, cueing us that she's doing an "I Accuse" on Bo. She says that she and Bo were the only ones who knew about Clark's blood. Bo asks whether she told anyone else. "Not even the man you're about to marry?" he asks. "Mr. Kent," she answers, "Lex is not the man you think he is." He's even gayer. Bo says that, considering she's about to spend the rest of her life (at least until her plot-contrivance death, which I'm sure is coming) with Lex, and considering what she knows about Lex's family, "You had better be right." Ford tough! Bo walks away. Dropkick flutters her eyes.

Stately Luthor Manor. Clark is sitting in Lex's office, across the desk. He says that maybe it's not a good idea that he's sitting next to Lana at the rehearsal. Lex asks what happened. Clark says he doesn't know. Lex leans forward: "Clark. None of us really understands the fairer sex." Gayest. Look. Of the episode. Gayest line ever, for that matter. "That's why we're so captivated by them," Lex says. Yeah, Judy Garland, Cher, Madonna. Just captivating. Clark says he went for it last night. Oh yeah. Techno clubbin' at the Boyz Cellar! Lex asks if Lana shot Clark down. Clark says it was the opposite. She shot him up? With drugs? Clark says it was a perfect moment, but this morning... "She wanted to pretend it didn't happen," Lex finishes. Lex says that Clark has upped the stakes, and now Lana is scared. Lex says she wants to cut her losses. Looking right at Lex, Clark says the following: "But we're meant to be together. I've never been so sure about anything in my life." "Well, don't tell me, Clark," Lex says. I'm going to need a meat cleaver to cut through this deliciousness, people. "Tell her," Lex says. Or don't. You could just stay here.

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