Calling (1)

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Snideface: The Revenge

Outside the Talon. Lots of American flags. "Silent Film Festival Show" is on the marquee. Inside, Lana has made a new best friend. She brings a tray of coffee and cup over to Dr. Dropkick and asks if she's planning a wedding rehearsal or a peace summit. Yes, the joke only gets better the more times the show tells it. Dropkick says it's hard to know what side everybody's on. Tell me about it. Last season on 24, I had no idea what the fuck was going on. Lana asks if she's not having second thoughts. Dropkick says it's all gotten very complicated. Argh! That word again! Now twentysomething professionals are using it too? When my parents start to use it, I'm calling "Game Over." Dropkick, by the way, is either using industrial-strength mascara, or she's got some fake eyelashes going. It takes a lot to out-raccoon Lana, but she's somehow done it. Dropkick asks Lana about her "tall, dark, handsome" boy troubles. Lana asks what Dropkick would do if she knew Lex was hiding something from her, but was being truthful about the important things, like the way he feels about her. "Would that be enough?" Lana asks. Dropkick says that Lana has to decide whether the part the person is willing to share is more important than not having the person at all. I could really use a popcorn break right about now. Lana moves her mouth around. Dropkick's eyelashes run off to join the tree people from The Two Towers.

Lex's office. Somebody's thumbing through some files. The first one, I think, says "Sony Trinitron." The second says in huge block letters, "KENT, MARTHA." Dropkick removes the file from a wood cabinet. Now she is the one wearing pink. Lana infection! She starts to look through the file and turns to find Papa Luthor there. Does Lex have no security at all whatsoever? An intercom system, maybe? "You don't really think he's hidden it in here?" Papa Luthor asks. Dropkick says she doesn't know what he's talking about. Papa Luthor says he's talking about the valuable item Lex stole from her office. She says Lex would never steal from her. "Hmmm," Papa Luthor hmmms, and says that if she believes that, why is she rummaging around in Lex's stuff? She asks how she's supposed to know Papa Luthor didn't do it himself. "Oh my," he says, "it seems I've antagonized the lady of the house." Hee. He tells her to give his best wishes to Lex, then turns it around and says that if she did that, they'd have to explain how he caught her snooping. Bastard! "Ooh, that could get really messy," he says, rubbing the hair on his chinny-chin-chin. "Get out," Dropkick says. Papa Luthor turns mock-serious and moves to exit. But he stops to ask one last Columbo question: "Why are you marrying Lex?" She says, "Because I love him." He "hmmms" again and leaves.

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