Caprica
The Heavens Will Rise

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Love Is The Last Light Spoken

We're going to overlook the ass-horrible dialogue in this episode because I don't have time to get angry right now. Suffice to say that when science fiction starts sounding like science fiction, I -- and much of the rest of your fellows in neurotypical America -- check the fuck out. But hey, good thing all that whoring to the lowest common denominator got the show renewed, huh?

Anyway, the Angels are putting the finishing touches on the former NCC, which is now paradise. All it needs -- apparently -- is a castle and a dragon. No, I'm not kidding. An actual dragon*. Try and get a teenage girl to do a God's job and you will be putting up with some dragons, I suppose.**

*(Which even though it's Tamara's idea here, it'll later be ascribed to Zoë, because she was a Pern fan, which is an intense in-joke having to do with Ron Moore's history of development hell but also about every single one of us, don't lie, and which series was on Caprica called Dragonfighters Of Kobol. Which in my opinion would have been funnier still if they'd followed BSG conceit and it were called something like "Pernion," or "Pernprica," or my pernsonal*** favorite, "Pernis." I'm sure all of these were discussed and ruled out, because they didn't have time to follow up on this horribly absurd idea, because they were too busy having people say queer bullshit like, "Our fortress is complete!" and "I tried to flush her out by exploiting her fear of fire!")

**(And ain't that shit the truth.)

***(Sorry.)

Daniel's got the beasts purring down in his lab, showing off the "digital architecture of New Cap City," to which of course he has backdoor access because he is Bill Gates and has access to your personal shit and also to "any virtual worlds" that might be created within it. "My eyes are everywhere!" he says, and then notes some moving Neocode where Zoë (and Tamara, not that she exists from this point forward as far as we're concerned, not even in the coda) is messing with nature and building castles and your whatnot.

The Graystones muddle about protesting that each of them was more abusive to their daughter than the other; Amanda's all upset because she slapped her the day she blew up, and Daniel kind of stammers and talks about the time he tortured the robot with fire and it was super gross, and way worse than the slapping. (Which we all know she deserved.) It's nice to hear him admit how awful that was, because it was maybe the nastiest thing that's happened on this show, but he leaves out the part where it was a pissing contest that Zoë pretty much totally won, which made it also kind of awesome. With their daughter's dead burnt robot body lying on a table across the room, Amanda bitchslaps him in turn and he's like, "Valid." I love these two so very much.

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Caprica

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