Caprica

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
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Variance & Violations

Next up: Baxter Sarno, saying nothing of import but allowing us to see his cute little badger face so we know it's not an entirely different show all of a sudden, just... Mostly. Another thing that Vergis does better than Daniel is apparently "owning the C-Bucs," because they're on a seven-game winning streak. Also, they're rebuilding and re-safetyfying the Bridge after Ol' Crazy jumped off. This whole time Daniel's flipping through the channels using Wii technology and drinking deep of the crazy. He lies back on his couch and screams like infinite vuvuzelas...

...Which transitions us to a scary scenario in which a little girl cult member (My favorite thing about this entire show has got to be the child-soldiers as the reactionary reformers and the adults being the ones that are crazy and horny and always doing drugs -- it fits so well with the mythos: How do you get a Caprica Six? Well, here's how.) getting out of the car and feeling a little bad about recapitulating the beginning of the pilot as she says goodbye to her mom.

On her way into Atlas Arena, terrorista tries not to cry, gets her religious crazy on, and signals STO shibboleths to all the other nuts around the place. She eventually settles down for the terrorist attack, which will happen as the announcer counts us down to the game. Old (Sagittaron?) ladies, Tauron family men, this little girl, Sister Willow, all of them surrounded by innocents and saying the same prayer as they set their bombs off:

"May the One True God drive out the Many, that I might find forgiveness in this life and redemption in the next. Hear my prayer, oh God in heaven. So say we all."

Atlas comes crashing down, burden too heavy, and the Conclave takes off their holobands and asks Clarice WTF she's on about. Led by a patrician man named Obal Ferras, who is dressed like the people under the stairs from Beauty & The Beast, is flanked by various ridiculous outfits and beardy men. And he is unimpressed: How can a large-scale terror attack possibly bring anybody into your cult? You're killing the market, literally, and making everybody look bad. This is a Church, not a mosh pit.

Clarice is like, "We haven't even gotten to the Apotheosis part yet. This is just the fun terrorist part." They all put on their holobands again and we see all the saints that just murdered all the people blinking into new life in Rivendell. It looks, if this is possible, even stupider than Gemenon, which is essentially Myst. Any complaints about the way the Cylon Basestars looked, I would like to you retract them. At least they weren't generated on an Amiga A4000. On the other hand, for people confused as to whether this show was base-level science fiction or something newer and better, we now have our answer.

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Caprica

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