Capture
Angel With a Broken Wing

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: A | 29 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Bruise Cruise

I just re-watched The Hunger Games so I'm like, fresh and full of knowledge about dystopian bloodsports. It's the seventh day of the hunt in this real life game of extreme capture the flag without flags and the teams were worn down. Jade and Nikita, the twins of the teal team, said that this is the most difficult physical challenge they've ever encountered. Oh, and remember how everyone hates the blue team? This is still true.

I never knew what an asshole move brushing your teeth could be until Eric of the blue team wing men did it just so. He kept brushing his molars with this grin on his face, for all to see, lording his supply station prize of toothpaste over the other teams. Shane admitted that his teammate Eric is a bully. He was trying to trade food (a portion weighed out specific to each team's body mass or something) for a squirt of toothpaste. Shane said this is not his style. He's less AC Slater and more Zack Morris.

The twins gave in to Eric's bullying, while my precious lime team, James and Rebecca grumbled on a log. James stood up for himself, using the exact words I would love to say to people on street corners trying to get me to donate to Children International. "The way you come at us, you expect us to give it to you and it's like, it makes me not want to do it," James said, infuriated by memories of high school. James, let's hang out, we could watch TV and stand up to bullies and you could keep me from signing up for Greenpeace again.

"I think it's time we take some risks," James suggested to Rebecca, and she agreed. The gold and green teams agree that no matter who the hunt team is, they should go for the blue team. Then, pretty much out of left field, we learned that the green team is Christian and their faith is a huge reason they signed up for this physically competitive reality show. Oh my god, if they came here to persecute the red team for being gay or any less competitive because of it there will be hell to pay.

Oh, Kareem and Antoine, the green team, are playing a game with morals and the blue team is playing "a crooked game," so they agreed to be on board with this plan to get blue out. I know there are rules about staying in one place, but I wonder if there are any rules about climbing a tree and just staying up there?

Before announcing the newest hunt team, Luke Tipple goes into some old person diatribe about technology. How "out here" in the "wild" it can be your friend or your greatest enemy (Luke curses the day he got a data plan, still unable to figure out what a Candy Crush is). He re-announced the Looking Glass stations, but this time if someone uses the Looking Glass, their position is revealed to the hunt team. There's no such thing as a free lunch, or a sandwich not soaked in mud.

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Capture

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