Pick A Number

Episode Report Card
Aaron: A | 5 USERS: A+
They put the "à" in "Funeràle"
Reader Mailbag:

1. Orthopedics, not lifts.
2. Duquesne, not CMU.
3. Special Memorial Dora Mae Cooch Spam Subject Line of The Week: "Get The Breasts You've Always Wanted!" Um…yes, please!
4. Fruit flies?

It's obviously Tim DeKay Week here on the combined television networks of Time Warner Inc. (a.k.a. The Corporation Formerly Known As AOL Time Warner, or "<"), so it seems only fitting that we open this week with a slow-motion shot of Jonesy's face submerged in a barrel of water. This aquatic image serves as a brief segue into Jonesy's memories, where we see an oddly familiar-looking gentleman in a nebulously non-team-specific baseball cap breaking our hero's knee as punishment for an unidentified sports-related infraction. Hmm. Is this guy perhaps a teammate and one of Bill Romanowksi's ancestors? Or was Jonesy supposed to throw a game, and didn't? Personally, I like to think that all he really did was leave his ace starting pitcher in for an inning too long. At any rate, said kneecapping is being delivered in what appears to be an empty prison of some sort, which leads me to wonder why they didn't let Clancy be the one to go all Byron Hadley on Jonesy's ass. Er, "knee." Now that would have really confused the kids in the speculation thread.

You can tell it's Tim DeKay Week, incidentally, because the guy has won extensive praise for his touching and sensitive portrayal of a blind minister seeking true love on Everwood, and also for being shirtless, wet, and…um, jiggly here on Carnivàle. Go Tim! Nice work, buddy. He finally pulls his head out of the barrel of water, and that strange sound you just heard was the collective gasp of a large percentage of the viewing audience (I call them the "Limpies") as they finally get a glimpse of Jonesy's rather impressive abs. After some staggering about and also some…um, jiggling, Jonesy pokes his head into a nearby tent, where he sees Pa Pimperson stretched out on the floor beside the body of his daughter. It's been just a few minutes since the end of last week's episode, and The Tinkly Piano Of Tragically Dead Harlots tinkles tragically on the soundtrack as Jonesy watches Pa Pimp grieving. Dad reaches out to pull back the sheet covering Dora's body, exposing the epithet that's been carved into her forehead, and giving us a remarkable StC score of 114 for the week. In what I can only assume is a further celebration of Tim DeKay Week, this episode actually turns out to be basically like a big, weird, bizarro Six Feet Under, complete with corpses, funerals, bad hair, and giant creepy trees. And also cigarettes, although not the kind Brenda is likely to be smoking. Pa Pimp has four smoked-out butts lined up in a row beside him, which I mention now only because it will be important later. And while Jonesy may be a voyeur, he's definitely not a necrophiliac, because the sight of Dora's uncovered corpse causes him to close the tent flap and immediately sit down to pull on his pants. That sound you just heard was the collective weeping of millions of Limpies, tinged with just a hint of perverse, fetishistic moaning over the close-up of Jonesy's heavily scarred knee.

Suddenly, Gordon Gayko comes tearing around the corner, plotzing (as he is wont to do) about the fact that the carnival is shutting down early and he's losing a chance to make some extra money. Oy. What a whiner. Of course, if you slapped some tacky diamond jewelry on him and put a Barbra Streisand CD in the guy's trailer, he'd pretty much be every eczema-encrusted aunt I've ever had. So maybe I'm just biased. In any event, Jonesy tells him about Dora Mae, and Gayko runs inside the tent and starts wailing in grief. I'm sure Pa Pimp appreciated the interruption.

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