The Day Of The Dead

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sister? But I just kissed her!

Fade back up on Carnieland at night, as the show is once again in full swing. Pa Pimperson is busy barking for La Coocharaca, whom he describes as the top bullfighter in all of Spain. Which reminds me of a great bull testicle joke I know, that I won't repeat here because I'm pretty sure my mom is going to want to read this recap at some point before I fly home. Hi, Mom! La Cooch's stage name is "La Matadora Caliente," and she comes out to do her routine dressed in a very revealing bullfighter's costume. Olé! She also makes a number of suggestive gestures with her…sword? Bullfighter's stick? Cattle prod? I have no idea what that thing is called, and this is right about when I really started to miss the internet. Oh, Google! Why hast thou forsaken me? In any event, she's stroking the thing like it's about to start jiggling, and the crowd is going wild in response. La Cooch definitely lacks Dora Mae's joie de vivre (not to mention her mismatched mammaries), but she does have a certain style all her own. Ma doesn't particularly care for it, however, and she stands over in the wings griping to Pa the entire time. Then she asks him to go fetch a couple of buckets of water, and I got a really nasty premonition that things were about to go all Flashdance on our asses. Then again, Cynthia Ettinger in leg-warmers would definitely be a sight to behold. La Coocharaca is oblivious to all this, and continues dancing until Ma reappears in the audience section of the tent, demanding that the music be shut off. She compliments the men on their fine, fancy clothing (most of which isn't any less dirty than Ben's underwear, which is saying a lot), and then asks to see their "pocket squares." Or their "disgusting, snot-encrusted squares of felt," as I like to call them. The guys all whip out whatever spare pieces of fabric they can find, and then Ma has Random Rousties #32 and 212 pour the buckets of water all over her and her paper-thin white silk dress. Needless to say, the effect this creates is quite impressive. It certainly gets the attention of all the men in the tent, who are now completely ignoring La Coocharaca. "Look at me," purrs Ma, as she raises her dripping arms above her head. "I'm all wet. Can't y'all help a girl dry off?" The men enthusiastically start pawing at her with their disgusting, snot-encrusted squares of felt, much to the dismay of both Pa Pimperson and La Cooch, who can only watch and pray that none of those men has a bad case of hay fever.

Later that evening, Pa and La Coocharaca are wandering around outside of the tent. La Cooch can't help but compliment Ma on her sexiness, which leads Pa to suggest that she start sleeping with Ma instead of him. Um, yeah. Right idea, wrong family member. Sorry, Pa. La Cooch grabs him for a kiss, but he pushes her away. "Not like I didn't have enough trouble with one woman," he gripes. "I had to go double up on them." Heh. It's a hard knock life, my friend. "I thought you liked me?" sniffs La Cooch. "No, I do," replies Pa, with a delivery that defies transcription. Toby Huss rocks. As usual. "You know what you need?" asks La Cooch. "Two bottles of tequila and the tender caresses of Roustie π?" guesses Pa. Nope. "A bruja," she says. A what?

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