Elsewhere in Carnieland, Adrienne is surprised by a knock on her trailer door. She probably thinks it's Ben, but it actually turns out to be her bag of laundry from earlier in the episode. Lila is nowhere to be found, however. Adrienne carries the bag back inside, and then it to examine her dresses. To the surprise of absolutely no one, a snake bursts out, and bites her on the arm. "Oh, lord," she whispers, as she sinks to the floor. Which is fortunate, because we all already know the Lord isn't allowed in her bed. The snake, which is obviously the one Lodz purchased earlier, slithers out of her trailer and over to Gayko's place, where they both have a grand old time getting drunk, molting, and discussing their favorite cold-blooded-animal-friendly vacation spots.
California "Wish I Was" Dreamin'. Justin and Iris are home for the evening, with Iris telling her brother all about Tommy Dolan and his shocking allegations regarding who might have torched St. Chin's of the Crispy McGuffin. Justin maintains that there's nothing to be worried about, because the police report was never filed, and anyway there must be hundreds of black Broncos…er, Fords cruising around out there. "You don't understand," Iris insists. "Once this story is out, the damage is done. You don't get to take it back. For God's sake, we live less than a hundred miles from Neverland! Haven't you been paying attention? If the cassock fits, they won't acquit!" But even this surprisingly nuanced view of the tabloid media (for 1934, at least) is not enough to trouble Justin, who simply dry-swallows two more of the Zoloft that Dr. McInkstain prescribed, and then gets up to put on his coat. His plan is to just go and have a nice little chat with Tommy Dolan, which will no doubt fix all of Justin's publicity problems, and also leave Tommy snacking on cockroaches and ruing the day he ever tried to put the moves on Iris. Oy. You know, I think I'd almost rather be Jonesy than Tommy right now. At least Jonesy got his hammer sucked.
"That won't do any good," pleads Iris, which is hopefully a reference to the "chat with Tommy" plan, and not the "Jonesy gets a blow-job" one. "Oh, I think it will," replies Justin. Oh, yeah. Tommy is toast. Iris reveals that Tommy already talked to Father Walton, and now the Bishop is coming. "Let the Bishop come," sneers Justin. "We have nothing to hide." "Yes, we do," Iris announces. Justin doesn't get what she means at first, but after a long silence, he finally figures it out. Iris set the fire at St. Chin's. You know, on the Six Feet Under forums, we bickered for months over who set that fire in Season One (and we did the same with The Sopranos Season Four, for that matter), and yet no one here even thought twice about it. We all just assumed it was the Mintern city council. Nice work on the misdirection, especially because it actually matters here, unlike on SFU. "I did it for you," Iris insists. "They were a sacrifice, like the lambs of Abraham." Justin is flabbergasted. Iris reminds him that they have fame now, not to mention all the donations and the three thousand dollars from the city council. They can finally build a new church, and everything will be just hunky-dory. Or huckey-ducky. Justin is so furious that he literally doesn't know if he wants to kill her or, well, kiss her. He grabs her around the throat, and his eyes start to go black, but then he finally makes up his mind and shoves his tongue down her throat. Iris is just as into it as he is, and for once I'm actually glad that I'm writing this from my notes, because it means I don't have to watch this scene again. And here I thought I was getting away from West Virginia by flying south for vacation. Oh, well. Anyway, Justin finally pulls back from his sister, and then throws her down on the couch. He looms over her, his eyes burning with lust and fury. She stares up at him expectantly, and then…scene.
Thank. Fucking. God.