The Day Of The Dead

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B+ | Grade It Now!
Sister? But I just kissed her!

Over in the Cooch tent, La Coocharaca is auditioning for Ma. Unfortunately, the only dance move she seems to know is that flapper-style knee-waving thing. "I guess some people would call that dancing," snarks Ma. "Unfortunately, I ain't the Great Gatsby, so you're shit out of luck." She continues in a similar vein, enumerating all the many ways in which La Coocharaca sucks (although she does omit the most obvious way, which is probably how La Cooch got the job in the first place). "I don't know what [Pa Pimp] was thinking," she concludes. Oh, but I do. Ma leaves the tent, and Libby emerges from behind the curtain. "My mother can be a real bitch," she offers. "Si, una cucha gorda," answers La Coocharaca. Libby offers to help out and teach her a few steps, which she does immediately. What's sad about this is that Jessica Alba is so hot that it actually sort of frightens me a little, and yet this one little scene will still be ten times better than Glitter II: Electric Honeyloo. Sigh.

Cut to Ma Cooch, carrying her laundry down the midway. I guess she was so frustrated with La Coocharaca's performance that she decided to do a load of whites to take her mind off things. Either that or it was just a really weird edit. Jonesy approaches from the other direction, and quickly offers to carry the basket for her. As the laundry changes hands, they both take a moment to touch fingers and smile at each other. Oy. How on Earth does the entire carnival not know about this? As Jonesy carries the basket away, Ma and a significant portion of the viewing audience take the opportunity to stare at his ass. Sadly (or perhaps fortunately), there doesn't appear to be any rectal jiggling in this scene. "He's something, ain't he," observes Sofie, as she suddenly appears by Ma's side. "He sure is," gushes a nearby Limpie. Ma, however, just silently enjoys the anvillicious irony of it all. Incidentally, you couldn't really tell in that last scene, but Sofie's shirt is bright red with what appears to be a pattern of Templar crosses where the buttons should be. That could just be a coincidence, but when you realize that this show probably employs a costuming staff of at least a dozen people just to smear dirt on Ben's overalls, I highly doubt they'd let something like that just slip by. In any event, Sofie tells Ma that it took her a long time to realize how great Jonesy really is (she's never actually seen the jiggle, you know), but Ma (and Sofie's unborn fetus) finally managed to convince her.

Ma tries desperately to escape from this conversation before it turns ugly, but like always, Sofie just doesn't know when to shut up. "The thing is," she explains, "now that I'm ready, he isn't." This makes Ma a bit suspicious that Sofie might know about the affair, but Sofie just goes on to blithely recap her encounter with Jonesy from last week. Yeah. Why don't you leave that to the professionals, Sofie, and just go and puke or sleep with a townie or menace your mother some more, okay? I could be eating leftover turkey right now, but I'm not, and I really don't appreciate you trying to horn in on my territory. And that goes for Libby as well, by the way. Sofie also reveals that Jonesy suggested they take things slow, which is a plan that meets with Ma's wholehearted approval. Ma is all about taking it slow. Unless there's a shower or a lickable kneecap or a bucket of water around, that is. She continues trying to subtly lead Sofie away from Jonesy, even suggesting that there might be another "fella" out there who'd be a better choice. "Or you could even pick my daughter," she adds. "I wouldn't mind, you know. Plus it would make that Aaron guy totally jealous, and he's been getting on my nerves lately." None of this manages to dissuade Sofie, however, as she confesses that Jonesy already hurt her once, and she's not sure if she can take that again. "You've been around, right?" she asks Ma. Jeez. Very suave, Sofie. Why not just ask if she's ever fucked a turnip? "Do you think I can trust him?" she finishes. Ma thinks for a long moment before answering. "Yeah," she says sadly. "You can."

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