Everybody's doing the nasty in this episode of The Carrie Diaries, or at least planning to. When Sebastian tells Carrie he loves her, Carrie falters and tells him she wants to have sex with him. She keeps waiting for the perfect time to tell him she loves him, but it never seems to happen. She hopes that the Madonna Virgin Tour launch party will lead to the perfect night with declarations of love followed by perfect first time sex.
Meanwhile, Mouse avoids West's ongoing flirtation, which results in them having sex in a classroom. She's worried he is playing mind games with her, when he really just wants to date her. She eventually agrees to go on a date, once she has a letter of recommendation in place and after he threatens her with sabotaging her grades even further.
Tom is still meeting up with Deb, the annoying woman from his meditation class. She invites him over one night for sex, and after he freaks out about that, he is a total dick to her about having sex when her kid is in the house. She excuses him for the night, but eventually forgives him and declares them dating. Tom never admits that he was just angry because he was embarrassed that a strange child saw his penis.
Dorrit is entertaining the idea of having sex with Miller, the cute, interesting boy from the record store. He's a hipster before there were hipsters. Miller loans her books, and Dorrit tries on a softer appearance for him. She decides she wants to have sex with him and they probably do it? It's left open-ended because the only sex life we really care about is Carrie's.
After going to great lengths to get Sebastian into the VIP area of the party with her, Carrie has to excuse herself to tend briefly to something work-related. Because that's why they are there, drinking on Interview's dollar—for Carrie's job. In Sebastian's ideal world, Carrie doesn't care at all about having a career, so her continually flitting away to disprove that upsets him. Sebastian proceeds to get drunker and sulkier.
Leaving the party, Sebastian and Carrie have a very realistic fight. He says it's all about her, all the time, and Carrie resents him for being passive aggressive and her having to do extra work to draw his feelings out. Sebastian plays his trump card, bringing up that Carrie didn't say "I love you" back. He tells Carrie she analyzes things too much, and Carrie says that's who she is and if he doesn't like it they should break up. Sebastian says, "if that's what you want," which is the kiss of death.
Carrie lies in various beds for the rest of the episode, sad and blaming herself for everything. If Donna LaDonna were friends with Carrie, she would be a great ally in times like these.
Alright ladies and reluctant boyfriends, put on your jammies. Carrie might have sex in this one. (Almost) everyone is having a romance right now. Mouse and West are kind of almost flirting, Dorrit kissed that cute guy in the record store (then disappeared for an episode). Tom desperately made out with the gum cracker from his meditation class. Carrie and Sebastian, the only ones who matter, are going steady.
Carrie's introductory narration tells us that you never know how the dice are going to roll, but if you're lucky, you get to choose which direction to go in. I almost relate to this, until I see she is cutely talking about Trivial Pursuit, as she plays/flirts with Sebastian. She opts for "Science and Nature" over "Entertainment," mostly because it's a wedge piece but partly because she's not afraid of a green challenge.,
"I hope it's a question about sex!" my inner pervert screeches. Why my inner pervert is trying to get its kicks from The Carrie Diaries I will never know. Sebastian tells Carrie he loves her (Inner Pervert: "YESSSS!"). Carrie tells Sebastian she wants to have sex (IP: "OMG YESSSS!"). Cue Madonna's "Like a Virgin," segueing into Carrie overanalyzing it at the diner.
Carrie laments ruining the perfect first "I love you," but is OK opening the door to losing her virginity. West walks in and Mouse is pissed. She thinks West is being flirty to get into her head and ruin her chances at Harvard. Mouse has lots of plans to get into Harvard over West, since there's only one open spot there, and I don't care about any of them.
The phone rings at the Bradshaw house and Tom and Dorrit run to catch it, hoping to find their secret hookup on the other end. Dorrit says she's waiting for a call and Tom tells her that's why they have call waiting. Whoa, I am not sure that call waiting was a thing in 1985. Oh damn, it was invented in the early 1970's, and my family didn't get it until the early 2000's because we were behind the times and I couldn't even have a cell phone sheeeeesh.
Dorrit leaves to check out some "records or something" at the mall, which is evidently within walking distance and where her lover boy would be calling from? Ah well, that is none of my concern. Tom's call is, duh, from Deb, the gum chewer. She is very abrasive, but Tom is obviously a sub who likes to be pushed around. Tom and Deb make a date to have a "nightcap" the next Friday night. She tells him to "come prepared," and Tom is like, "whoa whoa whoa, condoms?" He still hasn't learned that everything happens on Friday nights.