Donna tells Dorrit that sex is fun, it's not love, and be safe. Donna is the only straight-shooter on this show.
Carrie returns to Sebastian with a wristband to get him into the VIP area. Sebastian was having an OK time getting drunk. He's the baaaassssst boyfraaaaannnd.
Meanwhile, in the suburbs, Deb introduces Tom to her Posturepedic bed. Tom goes in for a kiss and when Deb asks him what he's doing, Tom launches into a very loud stream of self-loathing thoughts.
"Stupid, stupid, idiot!" But Deb was kidding. This didn't make either of them look good, but they make out anyway.
Sebastian goes to get Carrie a drink, and Bennett rushes by in a gay hurry. He's freaking out because Madonna is about to leave this very lame party, and she will take the party with her, and there is no after-party. Bennett needs help interviewing all the people on staff. He asks Carrie for help, and bribes her with a byline. Carrie agrees to interview the guy who wrote the lyrics to "Like a Virgin."
Carrie tells Sebastian that she needs to quickly do a work thing, which could really help her writing career. Drunk Sebastian, who we already know is not worthy of love, tells Carrie, "oh, so you have a career now!" and gets all sulky but in that annoying, passive-aggressive way like "no, go do your thing it's fiiiiiine." It's OK, Sebastian has his glass of scotch.
Carrie totally gets the scoop on "Like a Virgin," from its supposed author. Everyone in this VIP area believes in New Love and a good love story, so he excuses her to go hang out with her boyfriend and "get touched like it's the first time," because that's what the song is all about.
At Deb's place, Tom arises from the Posturepedic, naked, in search of the bathroom. He runs into Deb's son, who seems very casual about the whole thing. Tom worries that this kind of thing happens all the time, as Deb's son acted. Tom scolds Deb for having sex while her kid is in the house, and basically calls her a shitty mom. Tom sucks. Deb says she doesn't need to be judged by Tom, and excuses him.
Dorrit returns the sex book to Miller and accuses him of having her read it so she'd want to have sex with him. Miller denies it only for a second, then admits it's true. Dorrit tells Miller he's smart, and she's been thinking about it a lot. Miller tells her she's vulnerable and he doesn't want to take advantage. They hug inconclusively.
Mouse holds a meeting of the Astronomy Club, of which she is the president and only member. West comes in and Mouse confesses that she likes him but the last time she liked a boy she let her grade slip and lost #1 in the class. Then she walks away.