Carrie Diaries
Lie With Me

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: B | 3 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Truth or Carrie Diaries
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Carrie and Sebastian are totally into each other, y'all. They are looking into one another's eyes/souls and it is somehow a metaphor for The City. Man Hattan, the not-so-subtle twelfth man on this team, may not have eyes as beautiful and humongous as AnnaSophia Robb's, but it is "honest and totally awesome."

Larissa, Carrie's British black friend, wants to borrow Carrie's purse (which used to belong to her dead mom), for a photo shoot. My god, nothing is all happening so quickly. Carrie, whose life is very immediately perfect, feels like nothing can stop her, " ... except maybe Donna LeDonna and her minions." I just don't agree with that, though. Donna LeDonna isn't really doing anything except being kind of a bitch. Sure, maybe she uses Carrie's mom's death to make her look like a more sympathetic human, at least she did in the first episode, but let's see this bitch drop some pig's blood on a ho.

Carrie is also grounded for coming in past curfew, even though her dad didn't notice that she was drunk off of champagne, and the City. This totally sucks because she and Sebastian are whatever the modern version of dating is. They used to call it "talking" but I'm not sure that's even a thing anymore. Crushing. Shipping. Oh, wait, it's the 1980s, so surely there is some John Hughes-inspired word for it. Bagging? The only bag here is the hopeless old one -- me, watching this show.

Sebastian tries to kiss Carrie against a door, but the door opens up to reveal Carrie's three friends: Mouse, Maggie, and Walt. Mouse is the shy Asian one. Maggie and Walt are an item, but Maggie is slutty and Walt is secretly gay, so they are decidedly not bagging. This is all you need to know about them. I won't even question where they were hanging out, which at first I thought was the bathroom but am now thinking is maybe a hallway or a small room where Carrie keeps her friends.

Being grounded is not so bad, it turns out, because Carrie can have more vaguely erotic moments with her sister, Dorrit. They're washing the car, spraying each other and having a soap/sponge fight. Normal sister stuff. Carrie's blank slate of a father also notices that grounding brought his daughters closer together. And who is he to shy away from a fun car-washing hose fight? Actually, a better question would be, who is he?

Creepy Sebastian Kidd calls Carrie and tries to convince her to sneak out, as they sensually touch their clothes and phone cords (HAHAHA NO CELL PHONES. '80s.). Sebastian wants her to be bad, and Carrie just wants this show not to get canceled, so I bet she'll sneak out.

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Carrie Diaries

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