Cashmere Mafia

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: B- | Grade It Now!
Conference Call

When the meeting's over, with everyone still in the room, Alicia (supposedly privately) confirms her date with Caitlin for the next night. Then, she asks if Caitlin is wearing no-blush blush. Goddamn, that's stupid. So not sexy.

Davis and Juliet are in therapy. Davis says he believes that, deep down inside, he wanted to be caught cheating. He felt guilty and needed to be punished. The therapist asks Juliet if she's going to punish Davis. "You bet your ass I am," Juliet replies. Davis tells the therapist that she is threatening to sleep with one of his friends -- to take one of them as a lover, if you will. The therapist then asks Juliet why she thinks Davis had the affair, and Juliet informs her that he'd had more than one affair, but that the others were out of town. So this was an accepted part of their relationship? Juliet's getting hot now. She asks Davis if they have to do this, and hasn't he humiliated her enough? The therapist asks if Juliet's humiliated by talking to a therapist, and Juliet says yes. So, talk to Davis? One of my favorite therapy on TV clichés. First of all, these two would NOT be in joint sessions right now. A doctor would probably help Juliet decide if she even wanted to work things out with Davis before trying to mend their stuff. Davis says that he and Juliet don't talk much anymore, only to cover logistics. Then, per this show's lack of logic, Juliet replies, "Well maybe if I didn't have to handle every single social arrangement--" She was not talking to him! He was saying that they don't talk! What does that have to do with social arrangement? I'll tell you what -- it's just a clunky way of telling us that Juliet is this high-society mover and shaker. It's a cliché, but SHOW, DON'T TELL. Juliet tells the therapist that Davis manages a hedge fund and feels that it's good for business for him to be seen as part of a New York power couple. That sounds like bullshit. The therapist asks Juliet how she expresses her anger. Davis says that she doesn't -- she's an ice queen. Then, the therapist asks Juliet if she thinks that maybe Davis had the affair to get her attention. Bravo, Bones. That's an amazing deduction. You should work with eating disorder patients: "Have you considered that you make yourself throw up because you don't have the will power to just not eat?" Davis thinks the doctor is on to something. Getting her attention was definitely part of the reason he slept with Cilla. What was the other part? Having the "ultimate Upper East Side orgasm? Hearing the hundred-million woman scream out your name?" Juliet, you are no Bree Van De Kamp.

At Payard Patisserie, home of some freaking amazing macaroons, the mafia is meeting for coffee. Juliet asks if she's an ice queen. Everyone protests, except Mia, who's all, "Well, a little bit." Juliet says she thinks she's an ice queen and that she lost it in front of the marriage counselor. And, she fired the marriage counselor. Mia says that Juliet shouldn't stay in her marriage if it's just a habit for her. Zoë thinks that she should work it out if she wants. Mia says that Zoë would be the one to cheat in her relationship, which is horrible. She says she meant it as a compliment because Zoë is such a catch. Still horrible. Zoë has brought a list of eligible men from their combined address books. It's the "revenge sex spreadsheet." She passes out copies and hands out pencils, so that they can mark out men who are married or bald. Caitlin says that shaved can be hot, and Juliet says she'll settle for receding hairline. Her husband is kind of cute, so I don't think she'll need to settle. Juliet may want to work on her marriage, but Mia points out that, in the meantime, she has a free pass and can sleep with anyone and Davis can't say anything. This is all very adult and healthy. They start marking people off for being divorced, and then a bunch because they don't find them attractive. These girls are deep. Then, Caitlin finds the name Bobby Walsh. They went to business school with him. He asked Juliet out, but she was already involved with Davis. It looks like she was interested in him. Zoë Googles his name and finds a perfect headshot of him. How convenient that he's an actor in addition to being a divorced wealthy owner of a health-company dot-com. So, that's done. They're going to call him. Now, Zoë wants to move on to Caitlin with the leftovers from the spreadsheet. Caitlin says she's good. Mia reminds her that she never told them whom she kissed, and she says she kissed a girl. the rest of the mafiosi are remarkably calm. Caitlin says she's not sure if she's gay. Mia says it's hip -- lesbians are the new babies. Caitlin tells them that she likes someone -- they should just be supportive. She also points out that they've played on the same team before too. Mia went to Wellesley where, she says, it was part of the curriculum. Zoë kissed Jenny Magruber at summer camp. Juliet has done nothing Sapphic.

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Cashmere Mafia




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