Cashmere Mafia
Dog Eat Dog

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Jeff Long: D | Grade It Now!
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Dog Eat Dog

At dinner at the hotel, Len tells Juliet that he was kidnapped while on a fact-finding mission for the UN. Juliet seems impressed. He replies, "I've been able to access some amazing experiences." Could someone please kidnap me right now? Juliet mentions Len's divorces, and he says that he won't talk about his previous relationships: "Some things a man must keep private." Okay, Yoda. Juliet says that she wasn't testing Len, but that he just gave the perfect answer. That's how get got wives #2 and #3.The sommelier walks up, and Len asks for the Sauternes. Juliet says that they don't stock Sauternes, but Len points out that they also don't stock the Burgundy that they have been drinking: he had them shipped from his personal cellar. I have to hand it to him: The way to a lady's heart is with booze. Len says that they should stock more vintage French wines and be able to get room service in less than forty-three minutes at the London hotel. He has thought of a bunch of other improvements that he would implement. Blah. What a boring date. Again. she questions his intentions for Stanton Hall, and he says that, if the stock he bought only provided his introduction to Juliet, it was still money well spent. Juliet suggests that she might get freaky if he says he's not buying the company. He kind of agrees, and she seems to warm to him.

Mia tells Wylie that he's going to have a great home and he suddenly starts to show a little life when he chews on a shoe of hers. Wallace Shawn comes in to retrieve Wylie, but suddenly Mia says that she wants to keep Wylie longer. He says that other arrangements have been made, but she insists that she wants to keep him...permanently. He says that she would need to schedule an interview, but she makes him sit down and interview her there. He won't let her call herself the owner of the dog -- she has to say "guardian" or "life companion." Urgh. Wallace asks her about her previous pets from childhood, and she jokes that Chinese families aren't even allowed to wear shoes in the house. He asks her how long her longest relationship with a human was, and she laughs that that can't be a real question. Thank God. He notices some plastic plants in her office, which she would totally never ever have. Come on! Also, Wallace Shawn sees Mia's fur coat, but she says it's fake and cheap and from Canal Street. With the interview complete, Wally tells Mia that she has been declined ownership of Wylie. She asks whether living with her isn't an improvement over eating off the street, and he replies, "Not from what I've seen." That's a problem with this show. Their actual lives aren't messy enough to warrant all the sturm and drang that occurs every time one of them gets a hangnail. They're all reaction with no action. Mia would never be rejected from adopting this dog. Mia screams after Wallace Shawn that she doesn't need him to validate her life.

Lily accosts Caitlin and asks whether she is really putting their brand in the hands of an upstart. Caitlin is. Come on, Lily, she's not really responsible for this. I guess people get blamed for shit they didn't do all of the time, but I would think she would at least attempt to remind Lily that none of this is actually her fault. Caitlin's assistant says that he has been researching spaces and the ONLY THING he could find was a "fabulous" space that is going for $75,000. Do it, Caitlin tells him. She'll borrow money from next quarter's budget. If she's even there next quarter.

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Cashmere Mafia

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