Cashmere Mafia

Episode Report Card
Jeff Long: C- | Grade It Now!
The Deciders

Mia and Jason are comparing battle wounds. Mia got hit by a bike messenger (totally happens) and got a scar on her calf. Jason got hit by a baby carriage on the Upper East Side, leaving a scar on his shin. Some of the women with strollers up there are totally careless, entitled bitches with their fucking baby carriages, but you'd have to get hit really hard to leave a scar. I mean, they're made for protecting babies. They're soft. Jason and Mia have apparently finished and get up to leave. They both say that the meeting was unexpectedly fun. Jason says that it was great meeting Mia, and in the clunkiest fashion ever seen in any dramatic form, Mia goes in to kiss/hug him while he offers his hand to shake. So bad. I've seen more subtle work on Hannah Montana. Anyway, Mia shakes Jason's hand and they part. Mia pauses, confused and disappointed.

That night, at drinks with the girls, Zoë tries to comfort Mia by suggesting that maybe Jason was distracted. By what? Caitlin suggests the notion that if he's off a millimeter on his surgery on "Mrs. Smith's" frontal lobe, she'll walk backwards and hiccup. Juliet asks Mia if she and Davis can be in the Portmanteau "power couple" issue. Zoë asks if it's the right time for her to do that sort of thing. Juliet answers that she and Davis are committed to making their marriage work. She wants to do something positive, because she doesn't want to end up an angry alcoholic like a character in an Edward Albee play. Zoë asks if she saw the one where the husband fucked a goat. Juliet says she would have preferred Davis to have fucked a goat rather than Cilla, because then Juliet wouldn't have had to get tested for STDs. I'm not really sure that's true. I'm sure there are lots of things that you can get from goats. Other than chevre. Zoë decides to change the subject, and asks Caitlin if she's going to Luke's birthday party. She can't, because she has a "thing" on Saturday. This makes everyone nervous. Mia says that the last time Caitlin had a "thing," it ended with a drunken 3 AM phone call begging Mia to pick Caitlin up. Caitlin says that she was in an Italian restaurant in Nolita and didn't know the name. Mia corrects her -- she was at Burritoville, and it was in the Meatpacking District. It's nothing like that, says Caitlin; this "thing" is a lesbian bridal shower. Juliet asks if it's with Alicia, and Caitlin answers, "No, it's with Joey Briggs from the Sanitation Department." Ha! Caitlin has been invited as sort of a meet-the-friends occasion. Caitlin says that she likes waking up with Alicia, which I guess answers our questions about whether or not they've been doing the deed. Mia says that being a lesbian suits Caitlin, and they all toast to her one-month anniversary as a lady lover. She has stuck with this longer than she did Tae Bo, cognitive therapy, and carb-busters. Yet, it's still nine years younger than that joke. She says that women communicate. If something is bothering you, and you're a woman and the other person is a woman, you talk about it. Mia takes this opportunity to make it about her again and says, "Like, what's up that handshake?" As she's wondering if perhaps she smelled like feet or had unsightly panty lines or a oozing cold sore (it's probably for the best that she didn't ponder whether she was interesting to him or not)...

...we see Jack entering the restaurant from behind Mia. He approaches and says hello; she dismounts from her lofty barstool and turns around. Jack tells her that it's great to see her, which is odd, since he hasn't even called her since breaking their engagement. Jack is joined by, I swear to God, Tracy Scoggins. She's so '80s, I can see the reflection of a disco ball on her face. Jack introduces her as Liz, his new girlfriend. Geez! His dead engagement hasn't even cooled yet! Liz says that she has heard so much about Mia, and Mia says that she has seen Liz on cable news. Jack asks Mia if she's going to mutual friend Caleb Stackpole's party on Saturday. Crazy name. She says that she is, and will see them there. They leave.

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Cashmere Mafia




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