In front of a wall-sized Chicano Visions painting, the firms meets and the bionic eye is explained. When he was eighteen, Bionic Boy was on his dad's farm (of course. I mean, it's gotta be a farm, right? Because it wouldn't be an Inspirational Sodden Sports Story if the kid lost his eye taking the garbage down to his city curb) stringing electric fence when it snapped and took out one of his eyes. Hannah reads aloud how the eye works and comments that he could have been brain-damaged. Horatio explains why both eyes are needed in baseball for depth perception: "He risked his life for this chance." I guess that comment refers to the fact that the bionic eye surgery was the thing that could have given him brain damage, not the accident itself. Since Darwin the Dick can always be trusted to say something mean, he contributes, "What an idiot," and then exposits that the MLB can set whatever eligibility rules it wants. Horatio wonders if his replaced gall bladder should prevent him from playing baseball. "Well, that and you throw like a girl," Darwin the Dick agrees. Khanita automatically whips an apple at D the D's head. Darwin the Dick ducks, and the apple crashes behind him. "Like that?" Horatio asks. He said you throw like a girl, not like a genetically-enhanced girl.
More argument about what the MLB is allowed to do and not do. Darwin the Dick sarcastically suggest they get a constitutional amendment protecting bionic rights pushed through Congress: "The only stumbling block might be getting thirty-nine states to ratify it, though." So, we have fifty-one or fifty-two states in the future? We must have split Canada in half. Sorry, Wing. "I'm holding out for the fact that Fairfax County finally seceded from the rest of Virginia," the Evil Dr. Mathra From Fairfax County interjects. "It took sixty years to pass the Equal Rights Amendment," Darwin the Dick continues. "The good news is people like robots more than they like women." In a long, overblown, and lawyer-ish way, Horatio argues that his client doesn't have any enhancement beyond a normal human being. His bionic eye is just that, an eye. It doesn't give him any special advantages. Hector thinks it better to argue that the kid isn't bionic, he's disabled and therefore protected by the American Disabilities Act.
Next case. Darwin the Dick and Khanita listen to a married couple argue about the fact that having the husband's parents, grandfather, and great-grandmother live with them is in breach of the "no family" clause in their prenuptial agreement. Khanita points out that the marriage contract assumed children, and the wife argues that having the parents and grandparents are just like having grandchildren: "How tough would it have been to get them out to save our marriage?" "They had no savings left, Donna, when they grew up, they didn't expect to live to a hundred and twelve," the husband argues. Seriously, bitch, what's he supposed to do? Kick the family that raised him to the curb just like the city trash that would lose Bionic Boy his eye in an Uninspirational Sodden Sports Story? The wife advocates putting the Elderlies in institutions or "something better." "They're my family!" the husband shouts, right after Darwin the Dick was trying to say that the Elderlies weren't family, and therefore his client wasn't in breach of contract. An assistant walks in. "Did I call you?" Darwin the Dick dicks. The assistant shakes his head, "No, sir." "And, do you like your job?" D the D demands. "No, sir," the assistant smiles. "And that's why I came back in. Your phone is ringing, and [he takes a box off his right ear and tosses it to D the D] I quit." He smiles happily and leaves. D the D looks tired.