D the D and Khanita play the birth control pill recording back for Husband and Wife Client. "If things you said when you were horny were legally binding, the world would be seriously messed up," Wife Client's attorney says. Oh, I'm...whatever. The attorney argues with Khanita whether what's on the screen is that Wife Client wants children. "That is what's on the screen," Wife Client jumps in. All are agog. Husband Client smiles, "You want a baby?" Wife Client's attorney tries desperately to save his stash of cash and says that nothing they say there is legally binding, but both Khanita and D the D shush him. Wife Client says she wants to start a family of their own. Tricky, this is her NEW way of kicking the Elderlies to the Depends curb. Husband Client tries to make her understand that you don't just "start a family, you continue one." Wife Client whines that "all that time, all that attention" should have been saved to be lavished on their own baby because "it doesn't belong to the parents, it belongs to the children." I REALLY hope her own future kids get a videotape of this and submit it as evidence in court for not being required to look after her. Husband Client looks back at D the D and says, "Fifty percent, equal shares. It's as much my fault as hers." Wife Client huffs. I don't get it -- fifty percent of what? Their estate? And if so, why's she huffing about it if she brought forth the case and he's now admitting his own fault?
D the D says he doesn't have to give her anything, and admits that he made two mistakes on their original marriage contract: "One -- I should have defined 'family' way more clearly. Stupid. Two -- I should have gotten everybody's signature, okay? All six of you, so this time I'm gonna do it right and you're all gonna remain...family." Husband Client smiles at Wife Client, who looks tearful but still has her arms crossed bitchily. D the D says he's going to draw up a new contract that clearly lays out everyone's responsibility and limits: "Donna is not a maid. She is, however, a daughter-in-law, which means occasionally having to drive family members to the doctor. On the other hand, she's also a wife, which means your bedroom is off-limits every night to everyone but yourselves after -- I don't know -- ten o'clock?" Husband Client agrees. So, if a child is born and wanders into their room after ten o'clock because he/she is throwing up or afraid of a storm, are they going to sue the kid for breach of contract? Oh, I guess not, because the kid won't have signed any papers yet. Or maybe the signature will be encoded into their DNA so that by choosing to be born, they automatically agreed to the terms of the contract. You think I'm being ridiculous? I think this show's ridiculous! Donna adds that Sunday mornings are for sex as well. "And we can get a legal obligation from my dad to do the 4 AM feeding," Husband Client tells Wife, who then makes out with him. Hey, it's not ten o'clock or Sunday morning, so I think I'm gonna sue you. Khanita smiles and touches her throat. D the D permits himself a strained smile. After all of this, I have one question: at what time, exactly, is the kitchen table off-limits?
Khanita tried to get D the D to admit that he really hasn't changed that much in eight years and still is a big ol' softy dick. She insists that he's sweet. "You gonna sleep with me if I am?' D the D demands, once more taking refuge in offensive remarks. "Yes, because I sleep with all sweet men," Khanita sarcasms sweetly. "I'm a nice slut." Heh. D the D says that the case was over, and their bill would have been the same whether the couple made up or not. "The only difference now is that we get a whole 'nother retainer. Six-party marriage contract -- that's gotta be a hundred hours in billing, easy don't you think? Now that's sweet." Khanita smiles, because she doesn't believe his faux faux machismo and because having no spine is so, so comfortable. Just ask Joey Potter.