Century City
Love & Games

Episode Report Card
Keckler: F | Grade It Now!
Six Billion Dollar Eye

We're back trying to decide what is adequate compensation for D the D's assiness. He saunters in as Hannah barters. "Sorry I'm late," he says. "I'm sure you are," Miles comments. "I do have a practice, Miles," D the D says. "I'm just saying, you're not sorry," Miles says. "Point taken," D the D concedes. "He's evil, isn't he?" Hannah comments, jerking a thumb at him. Then why'd you hire him? The ex-assistants snicker. "There is a principle here -- people should be warned," Hannah says. All the assistants nod. "We still need a non-disclosure agreement," Hannah says. Miles rejects that. Hannah offers four weeks severance and a commitment that no one will ever again have to suffer like they have. "You're gonna fire him?" an assistant asks. "He'd just find another job and hire another assistant," Hannah chuckles. "So, I'm just promising to be nice?" D the D asks. "No, you're never gonna abuse an assistant again because you're never gonna have an assistant again -- I won't let you hire one," Hannah says. The assistants look interested at this. D the D twiddles his thumbs nervously. The assistants' attorney bitches that four weeks severance is less than offered yesterday, but Miles accepts the offer on all their behalves.

Back to the Boring Bionic Baseball Case. League's Attorney closing-arguments about rules being made for a reason. People and baseball need limits. BORED! Horatio sneers and gets up. Why isn't Hector, as the senior law dude, making the closing? Oh, right, he's not as hot and has less of a reason to practice his accent. Horatio closing-arguments that five thousandths of a second isn't important in the big scheme of things, and that Ted Williams had an advantage because he could read a ball in flight. And he's cryogenically frozen -- possibly even thawed at this point. Horatio thinks they can't start making rules about who is more human than the next guy, because they're heading for "a very dark and ugly place." And no one but NO ONE wants to be inside Dubya's head, dammit! In all this "inspiration" we learn that some "fan" threw a bottle at Bionic Boy this afternoon. I thought bottles in stadiums were banned for that very reason. Is it that, In The Future, we're dumber about shit like that? Horatio sits down, and Hector gives him the thumbs-up, which means he's supposed to steal second. Even if this show dies, he's still the hottest thing on television anywhere. Stay gold, Horatio, stay gold.

D the D bitches at Hannah about needing an assistant. Hannah tells him he's going to have an electronic assistant. Ah, so this would be the intro of Hoxy. D the D demands to know "Where is it?" of the prototypical "office computer guy." He's got funny hair, funny glasses, loud clothes, and he's crabby. "It's loading," Computer Guy tells him. D the D demands to know what it will look like. "Whatever you want it to look like," Computer Guy surlies, and then he's gonna make fun of yoooou! D the D tells Hannah that he cannot "deal" with a computerized assistant. Hannah tells him he can't "deal" with a human assistant. D the D says he needs a human to abuse so he can vent, because it "keeps [him] level." "Kick a wall," Hannah orders him, and leaves. Computer Guy tells D the D, "It'll answer phones, bring up files, draft letters without spelling mistakes -- can do pretty much anything a human assistant can do." D the D wants to know if it can lie. "In two hundred and seven languages," Computer Guy tells him. D the D seems satisfied.

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Century City




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